Reading The Demigod Diaries
by Bookworm-olympian
Summary: Basically the Percy Jackson and The Heroes of Olympus characters reading the Demigod Diaries story, Percy Jackson and the Staff of Hermes. First fanfic, go easy on me. USED TO BE CALLED READING THE STAFF OF HERMES
1. The book

Jason POV

I was walking in the strawberry fields when I got hit in the head. How you ask? By a book.

I saw the cover and picked it up so that Chiron could see. I ran to the big house and saw that there was a counsel meeting, I totally forgot! All the other counselors looked at me seeing that I was out of breath and all. Then they saw the book I was holding. It said, The Demigod Diaries.


	2. Letter from a god

Piper POV

We saw that not all the pages in the book were there. It seemed that someone didn't want us to see the first few pages and the last few. We could only see one of the stories.

A note appeared, it said:

_Dear demigods,_

_We know that you're thinking, why does this book only have a few pages?, well, Jason, Leo, and Piper seemed like they wanted to know who Percy Jackson was yada yada yada. Now, you can read what happened at Percy and Annabeth's one month anniversary. Enjoy!_

_From the two most awesomest gods,_

_Hermes and Apollo_

_(actually, just Apollo, Hermes would kill me if he knew.)_

"Well, that explains it!" Leo said. "Let's read!"


	3. The Staff of Hermes

**IForgot to put in a disclaimer, I do not own Percy Jackson. I'm a GIRL, not a guy.**

Leo POV

Jason started reading.

_Annabeth and I were relaxing on the Great Lawn in Central Park when she ambushed me with a question._

"Wonder what it was." I asked.

_"You forgot, didn't you?"_

"What did he forget?" Piper wondered.

_I went into red alert mode. It's easy to panic when you're a new bpyfriend._

"True." All us boys said.

_Sure, I'd fought monsters with Annabeth for ears. Together we'd faced the wrath of the gods. We'd battled Titans and calmly faces death a dozen times._

"How do you face death calmly?" Piper asked.

"You get used to it after a while." Annabeth replied.

_But now that we were dating, one frown from her and I freaked._

"Ha! He's afraid of his own girlfriend!" I laughed.

"Wouldn't you?" Jason asked.

I thought about it, "Yeah, Annabeth is terrifying!"

"Thanks for telling me, I'll remember it." She smirked.

Gulp.

_What had I done wrong?_

_I mentally reviewed the picnic list: Comfy blanket? Check. Annabeth's favorite pizza with extra olives? Check. Chocolate toffee from La Maison du Chocolat? Check. Chilled sparkling water with a twist of lemon? Check. Weapons in case of sudden Greek mythological apocalypse? Check._

"Sounds like everything. What did he forget?" I asked.

_So what had I forgotten?_

"That's what I said!" I exclaimed.

"We know Leo." Piper groaned.

_I was tempted (briefly) to bluff my way through._

"Hey!" Annabeth shouted.

"Wait," Jason said. "There's more."

_Two things stopped me. First, I didn't want to lie to Annabeth. Second, she was to smart. She'd see right through me._

"True, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth smiled.

_So I did what I do best.I stared at her blankly and acted dumb._

"I love this guy!" I said.

_Annabeth rolled her eyes. Percy, today is September eighteenth. What happened exactly one month ago?"_

_"It was my birthday," I said._

"Really?" Piper asked.

"Yup," Annabeth replied.

_That was true: August eighteenth. But judging from Annabeth's expression, that wasn't the answer she'd been hoping for._

_It didn't help my concentration that Annabeth looked so good today._

"Look Annabeth," I pointed out. "You distracted him!"

Annabeth blushed, "Shut up."

_She was wearing her regular orange camp T-shirt and shorts, but her tan arms and legs seemed to glow in the sunlight. Her blond hair swept over her shoulders. Around her neck hung a leather cord with colorful beads from our demigod training camp-Camp Half Blood. Her grey eyes wre dazzeling as ever. I just wished that her fierce look wasn't directed at me._

Annabeth was steadily blushing through this whole description until her cheeks were burning like she got a sunburn.

"Who doesn't wish that her 'fierce look' wasn't directed at them" Jason pointed out.

_I tried to think. One month ago we'd defeated the Titan Kronos. Was that what she meant? Then Annabeth set my priorities straight._

_"Our first kiss Seaweed Brain," she said. "It's our one-month anniversary."_

"Congratulations!" Piper said.

"Thanks," Annabeth said.

_"Well...yeah!" I thought" Do people celebrate stuff like that? I have to remember birthdays, holidays, **and** all anniversaries?_

"Well duh!" I said.

_I tried for a smile. "That's why we're having this great picnic, right?"_

_She tucked her legs underneath her. "Percy...I love the picnic. Really. But you promised to take me out for a special dinner tonight. Remember? It's not that I **expect **it, but you said that you had something planned. So...?"_

_I could hear hopefulness in her voice, but also doubt. She was waiting for me to admit the obvious: I'd forgotten. I was toast. I was boyfriend roadkill._

"Wow, he's dead." Jason said.

_Just because he forgot, you shouldn't take that as a sign I didn't care about Annabeth. Seriously, that last month with her had been awesome. I was the luckiest demigod ever. But a special dinner...when ha I mentioned that? Maybe I'd said it after Annabeth kissed me, which had sent me into a fog. Maybe a Greek god had disguised himself as me and made her that promise as a prank._

"Uh-huh," I said. "As if you were that important to mess with."

_Or maybe I was just a rotten boyfriend._

"That's the most likely choice." Jason said.

_Time to fess up. I cleared my throat. "Well-"_

_A sudden streak of light made me blink,_

"Huh?" I asked.

"Wait, it says." Jason said.

_As if someone had flashed a mirror in my face. I looked around and I saw a brown delivery truck parked in the middle of the Great Lawn where no cars were allowed. Lettered on the side were the words:_

**_HERNIAS ARE US_**

"Wait, what?" Piper asked.

_Wait...sorry. I'm dyslexic. I squinted and decided it probably read:_

**_HERMES EXPRESS_**

"Oh, that makes sense." Piper said.

_"Oh good," I muttered. "We've got mail."_

_"What?" Annabeth asked._

_I pointed at the truck. The driver was climbing out. He wore a brown uniform shirt__ and knee-length shorts along with stylish black socks and cleats. His curly salt-and-pepper hair stuck out around the edges of his brown cap. He looked like a guy in his mid-thirties, but I know from experience he was actually in his mid-five-thousands._

"Well, that says a lot."I laughed.

"Now that I think about it," Annabeth said. "It does sound weird."

_Hermes. Messenger of the gods. Personal friend, dispenser of heroic quests, and frequent cause of migraine headaches._

"Okay..." Jason said.

_He looked upset. He kept patting his pockets and wringing his hands. Either he'd lost something important or he'd had too many expressos at the Mount Olympus Starbucks._

I started cracking up.

"Yup, that's definitely it!" I laughed.

_Finally he spotted me and beckoned, **get over here!**_

_That could have ment several things. It he was delivering a message in person from the gods, it was bad news. If he wanted something from me, it was also bad news. But seeing as he'd just saved me from explaining myself to Annabeth, I was too relieved to care._

"Guess it would be bad any way he goes." Jason stated.

"True," Annabeth said. "This is kind of normal for him."

_How do you greet a god? If there's an etiquette guide for that, I haven't read it._

"Obviously," I said. "Why else would he be stating it?"

_I'm never sure if I'm supposed to shake hands, kneel, or bow and shout, "We're not worthy!"_

"Ha! If you were supposed do that," I said. "No one would do it!"

"I guess," Piper said. "If you did do tha_t, _the god you're greeting would think you're crazy."

_I knew Hermes better than most of the Olympians. Over the years, he'd helped me out several times. Unfortunately last summer I'd also fought his demigod son Luke, who'd been corrupted by the Titan Kronos, in a mortal combat smack-down for the fate of the world. L__uke's death hadn't been entirely my fault, but it still put a damper on my relationship with Hermes._

"I wonder why?" Jason's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "It's not like he wouldn't be offended or something."

_I decided to start simple. "Hi."_

"Wow," I said. "That's a simple as you can get."

_Hermes scanned the park as if he was afraid of being watched. I'm not sure why he bothered. Gods are usually invisible to mortals. Nobody else on the Great Lawn was paying any attention to the delivery van._

_Hermes glanced at Annabeth, then back at me. "I didn't know the girl would be here. She'll have to swear to keep her mouth shut."_

"Why did he say that you'd have to keep her mouth shut?" Piper asked.

"You'll see," Annabeth replied.

_Annabeth crossed her arms. "The **girl **can hear you. And before I swear to anything, maybe you'd better tell us what's wrong."_

_I don't think I've ever seen a god look so jittery. Hermes tucked a curl of grey hair behind his ear. He patted his pockets again. His hands didn't seen to know what to do._

_He leaned in and lowered his voice. "I mean it, girl. If word gets back to Athena, she'll never stop teasing me. She already thinks she's so much cleverer than I am."_

_"She is," Annabeth said. Of course, she's prejudiced. Athena is her mom._

"What's that supposed to mean?" Annabeth asked.

No one answered.

_Hermes glared at her. "Promise. Before I explain the problem, both of you must promise to keep silent."_

_Suddenly it dawned on me. "Where's your staff?"_

"He lost his staff?!" Everyone yelled.

"Yup, Annabeth said nonchalantly.

_Hermes's eye twitched. He looked like he was about to cry._

_"Oh, gods," Annabeth said. "You **lost **your staff?"_

_"I didn't lose it!" Hermes snapped. "It was stolen. And I wasn't asking for **your **help,_ girl!"

"Kinda ironic don'cha think?" I pointed out. "You know, the god of **thieves** getting stolen from?"

"We get it Leo," Jason said.

_"Fine," she said. "Solve your own problem. Come on, Percy. Let's get out of here."_

_Hermes snarled. I realized I might have to break up a fight between an immortal god and my girlfriend, and I didn't want to be on either side of that._

_A little background:_

"Oh good!" I said.

"Shhh!" Piper shushed me.

"Sheesh, just making a point." I grumbled.

_Annabeth used to adventure with Hermes's son Luke. Over time, Annabeth developed a crush on Luke._

"Really?" Jason asked surprised. "I didn't know."

"Who would tell you?" Annabeth asked.

"Good point," he admitted.

_As Annabeth got older, Luke developed feelings for her, too. Luke turned evil. Hermes blamed Annabeth for not preventing Luke from turning evil. Annabeth blamed Hermes for giving Luke the capacity to become evil in the first place. Luke died in war. Hermes and Annabeth blamed each other._

_Confused?_

"Whaaat?" I asked.

"I have no clue," Piper said. "I couldn't follow."

"Me neither." Jason said confused.

_Welcome to my world._

_Anyway, I figured things would go badly if these two went nuclear, so I risked stepping in between them. "Annabeth, tell you what. This sounds important. Let me hear him out, and I'll__ meet you back at the picnic blanket, okay?"_

_I gave her a smile that I hoped conveyed something like: **Hey, you know I'm on your side. Gods are such jerks! But what can you**_** do?**

"Yeah," Annabeth said sarcastically." That's definitely what it meant."

_Probably my expression actually conveyed: __**It's not my fault! Please do not kill**** me!**_

"That makes more sense," Jason said. "He'd probably be terrified."

_Before she could protest or cause me bodily harm, I grabbed Hermes's arm. "Let's step into your office."_

"That's smart," Piper said. "Protecting himself and not ricking the chance of getting vaporized by a god."

_Hermes and I sat in the back of the delivery truck on a couple of boxes labeled TOXIC SERPENTS. THIS END UP. Maybe that wasn't the best place to sit, but it was better than some of his other deliveries, which were labeled EXPLOSIVES, DO NOT SIT ON, and DRAKON EGGS, DO NOT STORE NEAR EXPLOSIVES._

"Who orders these things anyways?" I wondered.

_"So what happened?" I asked him._

_Hermes slumped on his delivery boxes. He stared at his empty hands. "I only left them alone for a minute."_

_"Them..." I said. "Oh, George and Martha?"_

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

_Hermes nodded dejectedly._

_George and Martha were two snakes that wrapped around his caduceus - his staff of power._

"Oh, that explains it," I said.

_You've probably seen pictures of the caduceus at hospitals, since it's often used as a symbol for doctors. (Annabeth would argue and say that the whole thing was a misconception. It's supposed to be the staff of Asclepius the medicine god, blah, blah, blah. But whatever.)_

Annabeth looked offended that something like this could be "whatevered."

_I was kind of fond of George and Martha. I got the feeling Hermes was too, even though he was constantly arguing with them._

Jason looked surprised.

"He argues with his item of power?"

"I guess so," Piper answered.

_"I made a stupid mistake," he muttered. "I was late with a delivery. I stopped at Rockefeller Center and was delivering a box of doormats to Janus-"_

_"Janus," I said. "The two-faced guy, god of doorways."_

_"Yes, yes. He works there. Network television._

_"Say what?"_

"Yeah," I pointed out." A god works for network television?"

"I guess so," Annabeth replied.

_The last time I'd met Janus he'd been in a deadly magical labyrinth, and the experience hadn't been pleasant._

_Hermes rolled his eyes. "Surely you've **seen** network TV lately. It's clear they don't know weather they're coming or going. That's because Janus is in charge of programming. He loves ordering new shows and canceling them after two episodes. God of beginnings and endings after all. Anyway, I was double-parked -"_

_"You have to worry about double-parking?"_

"ADHD much?" Jason asked.

"It's not like you're any better," Annabeth said defensively.

He didn't answer.

"My point exactly," Annabeth said smugly.

_"Will you let me finish my story?"_

"Impatient anyone?" I asked

_"Sorry."_

_"So I left my caduceus on the dashboard and ran inside with the box. Then I realized I needed to have Janus sign for the delivery, so I ran back to the truck -"_

_"And the caduceus was gone."_

"No, the caduceus stood up and ran away," I said sarcastically. "Of course it was gone!"

_Hermes nodded. "If that ugly brute has harmed my snakes, I swear my the Styx -"_

_"Hold on. You know who took the staff?"_

_Hermes snorted. "Of course. I checked the security cameras in the area. I talked with the wind nymphs. The thief was clearly Cacus."_

"Who?" I asked.

_"Cacus." I'd had years of practice looking dumb when people threw out Greek names I didn't know. It's a skill of mine. Annabeth keeps telling me to read a book of Greek myths, but I don't see the need. It's easier just to have folks explain stuff._

"Why can't I just do that?" I asked.

"To save us the trouble of explaining." Piper replied.

_"Good old Cacus," I said. "I should probably know who that is -"_

_"Oh he's a giant," Hermes said dismissively. "A **small **giant, not one of the big ones."_

_"A small giant."_

_"Yes. Maybe ten feet_ high."

"That's small?" Jason asked.

"Most giants are taller than thirty feet," Annabeth said.

"Oh, that is tiny."

_"Tiny, then," I agreed._

_"He's a well-known thief. Stole Apollo's cattle once."_

"Didn't **he** steal Apollo's cattle?" Piper asked.

Jason laughed.

"What's so funny?" Piper asked.

"You'll see," he replied.

_"I thought **you **stole Apollo's_ _cattle."_

Everyone laughed.

"You think like Percy!" I said.

"Thanks," Piper said. "I appreciate it."

_"Well, yes. But I did it first, and with much more style. At any rate, Cacus is always stealing things from the gods. Wery annoying. He used to hide out in a cave on Capitoline Hill, where Rome was founded. Nowadays, he's in Manhattan. Underground somewhere, I'm sure."_

_"I took a deep breath. I saw where this was going. "Now you're going to explain to me why you, a superpowerful god, can't just go get your staff back yourself, and why you need me, a sixteen-year-old, to do it for you."_

_Hermes tilted his head. "Percy, that almost sounded like sarcasm. You know very well the gods can't go around busting heads and ripping up mortal cities looking for our lost items. If we did that, New York would be destroyed every time Aphrodite lost her hairbrush, and believe me, that happens ** a lot**. We need heroes for that sort of errand."_

Piper looked embarrassed that her mom would do that.

"Mother!" Piper exclaimed.

_"Uh-huh. And if you went looking for your staff yourself, it might be a bit embarrassing."_

_Hermes pursed his lips. "All right. Yes. The other gods would certainly take notice. Me, the god of thieves, being stolen from. And my **caduceus**, no less, symbol of my power! I'd be ridiculed for centuries. The idea is too horrible. I need this resolved quickly and quietly before I become the laughingstock of Olympus."_

_"So...you want us to find this giant, get back your caduceus, and return it to you. Quietly."_

"He makes it sound so ridiculous," Jason said.

"It is when you think about it," Annabeth replied.

_Hermes smiled. :What a fine offer! Thank you. And I'll need it before five o'clock this evening so I can finish my deliveries. The caduceus serves as my signature pad, my GPS, my phone, my parking permit, my iPod Shuffle - really, I can't do a thing without it."_

_"By five."_

"Wow," I said. "This stinks for you. You have a time limit for it too. Fun!"

_I didn't have a watch, but I was pretty sure it was at least one o'clock already. "Can you be more specific about where Cacus is?"_

_Hermes shrugged. "I'm sure you can figure that out. And just a warning: Cacus breathes fire."_

_"Naturally." I said._

Everyone agreed.

_"And do be mindful of the caduceus. The tip can turn people to stone. I had to do that once with this terrible tattletale named Battus...but I'm sure you'll be careful. And of course you'll keep this our little secret."_

"Did he just threaten him?" Jason asked.

"I guess so," Annabeth replied. "He doesn't really want anyone to find out, does he?"

"I guess not," he said. "I wouldn't want anyone to."

_He smiled winningly. Maybe I was imagining that he'd just threatened to petrify me if I told anyone about the theft._

_I swallowed the sawdust taste out of my mouth. "Of course."_

_"You'll do it, then?"_

_An idea occurred to me. Yes - I do get ideas occasionally._

"How did he know?" I gasped.

_"How about we trade favors?" I suggested. "I help you with your embarrassing situation; you help me with mine."_

"So that's how he..." Annabeth trailed off.

"How he what?" I asked.

"You'll see," she said mysteriously.

_Hermes raised his eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"_

_"You're the god of travel, right?"_

_"Of course."_

_I told him what I had in mind._

"What was it?" Jason asked.

"Still not telling," Annabeth said.

_I was in better spirits when I rejoined Annabeth. I'd made arrangements to meet Hermes at Rockefeller Center no later than five, and his delivery truck had disappeared in a flash of light. Annabeth waited by our picnic site with her arms folded indignantly._

_"Well?" she demanded._

"Well aren't you mad," I said. "Feel left out?"

"No," Annabeth replied. "He was just taking forever."

_"Good news." I told her what we had to do._

_She didn't slap me, but she looked like she wanted to." Why is tracking down a fire-breathing giant good news? And why do I want to help out Hermes?"_

"You really don't like him do you?" Jason asked.

"Well, I'm not his biggest fan, but I can stand him for a while." Annabeth replied.

_"He's not so bad," I said. "Besides, two innocent snakes are in trouble. George and Martha must be terrified -"_

_"Is this an elaborate joke?" she asked. "Tell me you planned this with Hermes, and we're actually going to a surprise party for our anniversary."_

"Okay, he planned this with Hermes and it's actually a surprise party for your anniversary," I said.

"Shut up," Annabeth commanded.

_"Um...Well, no. But afterward, I promise -"_

_Annabeth raised her hand. "You're cute and you're sweet, Percy. But please - no more promises. Let's just find the giant."She stowed our blanket in her backpack and put away the food. Sad...since I'd barely tasted any of the pizza. The only thing she kept out was her shield._

_Like a lot of magisc items, it was designed to morph into a smaller item for easy carrying. The shield shrinks into plate size, which is what we've been using it for cheese and crackers._

"Okay, he must be seriously ADHD to bring that up.," Piper pointed out.

"You must be too, seeing as you're pointing that out," Annabeth replied.

"Touche."

_Annabeth brushed away the crumbs and tossed her plate into the air. It expanded as it spun. When it landed in the grass it was a full-sized bronze shield, its highly polished surface reflecting the sky._

"Cool! Do you think I can make that?" I wondered.

"Maybe," Annabeth replied. "I still have the blueprints and I need another one."

"Why?" Jason asked.

"You'll see."

I'm starting to hate those words.

_The shield had come in handy during our war with the Titans, but I wasn't sure how it could help us now._

_"That thing only shows aerial images, right?" I asked. "Cacus is supposed to underground."_

_Annabeth shrubbed. "Worth a try. Shield, I want to see Cacus."_

_Light ripples across the bronze surface._

_Instead of a reflection, we were looking down at a landscape of dilapidated warehouses and crumbling roads. A rusty water tower rose above the urban light._

_Annabeth snorted._

"Why?" Piper asked. "You found a location, right?"

"Nope, this is **a **location," Annabeth replied. "It's not the real location."

_"This stupid shield has a sense of humor."_

_"What do you mean?" I asked._

_"That's **Secaucus**, New Jersey. Read the sign on the water tower." She rapped her knuckles on the bronze surface. "Okay, very funny, shield. Now I want to see - I mean, show me the location of the fire-breathing giant Cacus."_

_The image changed._

_This time I saw a familiar part of Manhattan: renovated warehouses, brick paved streets, a glass hotel, and an elevated train track that had been turned into a park with trees and wildflowers. I remembered my mom and stepdad taking me there a few years ago when it first opened._

_"That's the High Line park," I said. "In the Meatpacking district."_

_"Yeah," Annabeth agreed. "But where's the giant?"_

_She frowned in concentration. The shield zoomed in on an intersection blocked off with orange barricaded and detour signs. Construction equipment sat idle in the shadow of the High Line. Chiseled in the street was a big square hole, cordoned off with yellow police tape. Steam billowed from the pit._

_I scratched my head. "Why would the police seal off a hole in the street?"_

_"I remember this," Annabeth said. "It was on the news yesterday."_

_"I don't watch the news."_

"Who does?" I asked.

_"A construction worker got hurt. Some freak accident way below the surface. They were digging a new service tunnel or something, and a fire broke out."_

"Do the giants even care if they hurt humans?" Piper asked.

"I don't think so," Annabeth answered. "They mostly destroy things so they wouldn't know the damage they're causing."

_"A fire," I said. "As in, maybe a fire-breathing giant?"_

_"That would make sense," she agreed. "The mortals wouldn't understand what was happening. The Mist would obscure what they really saw. They'd think the giant was just like - I don't know - a gas explosion or something."_

"Why are mortals so ignorant?" Jason asked.

"If they saw all the monsters, do you think they would still be sane?" Piper pointed out.

"True," Jason agreed.

_"So lets catch a cab."_

"He sounds so calm," Piper pointed out. "You'd think he'd be freaking out right now."

I shrugged. "I guess he'd be used to it."

_Annabeth gazed wistfully across the Great Lawn. "First sunny day in weeks, and my boyfriend wants to take me to a dangerous cave to fight a fire-breathing giant."_

_"You're awesome," I said._

_"I know,"_

"Well somebody has a big head," I said.

"Oh, shut up Leo." Everyone shouted out.

I huffed. "Thanks guys, I can feel the love."

_Annabeth said. "You'd better have something good planned for dinner."_

_The cab dropped us off on West 15th. The streets were bustling with a mix of sidewalk vendors, workers, shoppers, and tourists. Why a place called the Meatpacking District was suddenly a hot place to hang out, I'm not sure. But that's the cool thing about New York. It's always changing. Apparently even monsters wanted to stay here._

"He loves his city, doesn't he." Jason said.

"Of course," Annabeth answered. "Wouldn't you?"

"Good point."

_We made our way to the construction site. Two polices officers stood at the intersection, but they didn't pay us any attention as we turned up the sidewalk and then doubled back, ducking behind the barricades._

_The hole in the street was about the size of a garage door. Pipe scaffolding hung over it with a sort of winch system, and metal climbing rungs had been fastened into the side of the pit, leading down._

_"Ideas?" I asked Annabeth._

_I figured I'd ask. Being the daughter of the wisdom and strategy, Annabeth likes making plans._

_"We climb down," she said. "We find the giant. We get the caduceus."_

"Nice plan," I said.

_"Wow," I said. "Both wise and strategic."_

_"Shut up."_

_We climbed over the barricade, ducked under the police tape, and crept toward the hole. I kept a wary eye on the police, but they didn't turn around. Sneaking into a dangerous steaming pit in the middle of a New York intersection proved disturbing easy._

_We descended. And descended._

"How long was the way down?" Jason asked.

"I'm not sure," Annabeth replied. "It was really long."

_The rungs seemed to go down forever. The square of daylight above us got smaller and smaller until it was the size of a postage stamp. I couldn't hear the city traffic anymore, just the echo of trickling water. Every twenty feet or so, a dim light flickered next to the ladder, but the decent was still gloomy and creepy._

_I was vaguely aware that the tunnel was opening up behind me into a much larger space, but I stayed focused on the ladder, trying not to step on Annabeth's hands as she climbed below me. I didn't realize we'd reached the bottom until I heard Annabeth's feet splash._

_"Holy Hephaestus," she said._

"Why'd you curse in my dad's name?" I asked.

"Dunno, just thought it fit." she answered.

_"Percy, look."_

_I dropped next to her in a shallow puddle of muck. I turned and found that we were standing in a factory-sized cavern. Our tunnel emptied into it like a narrow chimney. The rock walls bristled with old cables, pipe, and lines of brickwork - maybe the foundations of old buildings. Busted water piped, probably old sewer lines, ssent a steady drizzle of water down the walls, turning the floor muddy. I didn't want to know what was in that water._

"That's disgusting," Piper said with a sour face.

_There wasn't much light, but the cavern looked like a cross between a construction zone and a flea market. Scattered around the cave were crates, toolboxes, pallets of timber, and stacks of steel pipe. There was even a bulldozer half-sunken in the mud._

_Even stranger: several old cars had somehow been brought from the surface, each filled with suitcases and mounds of purses. Racks of clothing had been carelessly tossed around like somebody had cleaned out a department store. Worst of all, hanging from meat hooks on a stainless steel scaffold was a row of cow carcasses - skinned, gutted, and ready for butchering. Judging from the smell and the flies, they weren't very fresh. It was almost enough to make me turn vegetarian, except for the pesky fact that I loved cheeseburgers._

"Good to know," I said.

"Well, that changes what I think about guinea pigs," Annabeth said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

_No sign of a giant. I hoped he wasn't home. Then Annabeth pointed to the far end of the cave. "Maybe down there."_

_Leading into the darkness was a twenty-foot-diameter tunnel, perfectly round, as if made by a huge snake. Oh... bad thought._

_I didn't like the idea of walking to the other side of the cave, especially through that flea market of heavy machinery and cow carcasses._

_"How did all this stuff get down here?" I felt the need to whisper, but my voice echoed anyway._

_Annabeth scanned the scene. She obviously didn't like what she saw. "They must've lowered the bulldozer in pieces and assembled it down here," she decided. "I think that's how they dug the subway system a long time ago."_

_"What about the other junk?" I asked. "The cars and, um, meat products?"_

"Good question," I said.

Everyone agreed.

_She furrowed her eyebrows. "Some of it looks like street vendor merchandise. Those purses and coats... the giant must've brought them down here for some reason." She gestured toward the bulldozer. "That thing looks like it's been through combat."_

_As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I saw what she meant. The machine's caterpillar treads were driver's seat was charred to a crisp. In the front of the rig, the big shovel blade was dented as if it had run into something... or had been punched._

Piper shivered. "It sounds so ominous and gloomy."

_The silence was eerie. Looking up at the tiny speck of daylight above us, I got vertigo. How could a cave this big exist under Manhattan without the city block falling in, it the Hudson River flooding in? We had to be hundreds of feet below sea level._

_What really disturbed me was that tunnel on the far side of the_ cave.

"Why?" I asked.

"I think it told you already," Jason said.

"Oh, sorry."

_I'm not saying I can smell monsters the way my friend Grover the satyr can._

"That would be so awesome!" I exclaimed.

"It's impossible though," Piper pointed out.

"It would still be cool," I insisted.

"Whatever." Piper rolled her eyes.

_But suddenly I understood why he hated being underground. It felt oppressive and dangerous. Demigods didn't belong here. Something was waiting down that tunnel._

_I glanced at Annabeth, hoping she had a great idea -_

"Let me guess, she didn't," I said.

_like running away._

"That would be pretty good,"

_Instead, she started toward the bulldozer._

"Why?" I asked Annabeth.

"It wasn't my idea to get the caduceus," she said defensively.

_We'd just reached the middle of the cave when a groan echoes from the far tunnel. We ducked behind the bulldozer just as the giant appeared from the darkness, stretching his massive arms._

"Uh-oh," I said. "Looks like you're caught."

_"Breaktfast," he rumbled._

_I could see him clearly now, and I wished I couldn't._

"Why?" Jason asked.

"It probably says later," Annabeth replied.

_How ugly was he? Let's put it this way: Secaucus, New Jersey, was a lot nicer-looking than Cacus the giant, and that's not a compliment to anybody._

_As Hermes had said, the giant was about ten feet tall, which made him small compared to some other giants I'd seen._

"You've seen giants before?" Piper asked surprised.

"It was in the Titan war," Annabeth waved it off dismissively.

_But Cacus made up for it by being bright and gaudy. He had curly orange hair, pale skin, and orange freckles. His face was smeared upward with a permanent pout, upturned nose, wide eyes, and arched eyebrows, so he appeared both startled and unhappy._

"Is that even possible?" I asked.

I tried to imitate the face.

"Leo stop," Piper commanded. "It was on the giant, not a human."

"Okay," her charmspeak washed over me.

"Better."

_He wore a red velour housecoat with matching slippers. The housecoat was open, revealing silky Valentine-patterned boxer shorts and luxurious chest hair of a red/pink/orange color not found in nature._

"Eww!" Piper made a disgusted face. "That's disturbing."

_Annabeth made a small gagging sound. "It's the ginger giant."_

"You have a sense of humor?" I asked surprised.

"Of coarse!" she replied indignantly.

"Sorry I asked," I muttered.

_Unfortunately, the giant had extremely good hearing. He frowned and scanned the cavern, zeroing in on our hiding place._

"Uh-oh, you're in trouble," Jason said.

_"Who's there?" he bellowed. "You - behind the bulldozer."_

_Annabeth and I looked at each other. She mouthed, **oops**._

_"Come on!" the giant said. "I don't appreciate sneaking about! Show yourself."_

_That sounded like a really terrible idea. Then again, we were pretty much busted anyway. Maybe the giant would listen to reason, despite the fact that he wore Valentine boxer shorts._

_I took out my ballpoint pen and uncapped it._

"What's that supposed to do?" I asked.

_My bronze sword Riptide sprang to life._

"Cool!"

_Annabeth pulled out her shield and dagger. None of our weapons looked very intimidated against a dude that big, but together we stepped into the open._

_The giant grinned. "Well! Demigods. are you? I call for breakfast, and you two appear? That's quite accommodating."_

_"We're not breakfast," Annabeth said._

_"No?" The giant stretched lazily. Twin wisps of smoke escaped his nostrils. "I imagine you'd taste wonderful with tortillas, salsa, and eggs. **Huevos semidios**. Just thinking about it makes me hungry!"_

"What does _huevos semidios_ mean?" Piper asked.

Leo looked sick. "Demigod eggs."

"Oh," everyone looked queasy.

_He sauntered over to the row of fly-speckled cow carcasses._

_My stomach __twisted. I muttered, "Oh, he's not really gonna -"_

___Cacus snatched one of the carcasses off a hook. He blew fire over it - a red hot torrent of flame that cooked the meat in seconds but didn't seem to hurt the giant's hands at all. Once the cow was crispy and sizzling, Cacus unhinged his jaw, opening his mouth impossibly wide, and downed the carcass in three massive bites, bones and all._

___"Yep," Annabeth said weakly. "He really did it."_

"That's disgusting," Piper said, holding her stomach.

Everyone looked the same.

_The giant belched. He wiped his steaming greasy hands on his robe and grinned at us. "So if you're not breakfast, you must be customers. What can I interest you in?"_

_He sounded relaxed and friendly, like he was happy to talk with us. Between that and the red velour housecoat, he almost didn't seem dangerous. Except of course that he was ten feet tall, blew fire, and ate cows in three bites._

_I stepped forward. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to keep his focus on me and not Annabeth. I think it's polite for a guy to protect his girlfriend from instant incineration._

"I guess that's polite," Piper said. "But if your girlfriend can also hurt you, like Annabeth, that's probably not such a good idea."

_"Um, yeah," I said. "We might be cuntomers. What do you sell?"_

_Cacus laughed. "What do I sell? Everything, demigod! At bargain basement prices, and you can't find a basement lower than this!" He gestured around the cavern. "I've got designer handbags, Italian suits, um... some construction equipment, apparently, and if you're in the market for a Rolex..."_

_He opened his robe. Pinned to the inside was a glittering array of gold and silver watches._

"So... he sells stuff?" Leo asked.

"Yup," Annabeth replied. "A terrifying giant that sells fakes."

_Annabeth snapped her fingers. "Fakes! I **knew** I'd seen that stuff before. You got all this from street merchants, didn't you? They're designer knockoffs."_

_The giant looked offended. "Not just **any** knockoffs, young lady. I steal only the best! I'm a son of Hephaestus. I know quality fakes when I see them."_

_I frowned. "A son of Hephaestus? Then shouldn't you be **making** things rather than stealing them?"_

"He's an insult to Hephaestus!" Leo huffed.

_Cacus snorted. "Too much work! Oh, sometimes if I find a high-quality item I'll make my own copies. But mostly it's easier to steal things. I started with cattle thieving, you know, back in the old days. Love cattle! That's why I settled in the Meatpacking District. Then I discovered they have more than meat here!"_

_He grinned as if this was an amazing discovery. "Street vendors, high-end boutiques - this is a wonderful city, even better than Ancient Rome! And the workers were very nice to make me this cave."_

"I don't think they made the cave for him," Jason said.

"Ya think?" I said sarcastically.

_"Before you ran then off," Annabeth said, "And almost killed them."_

_Cacus stifled a yawn. "Are you sure you're not breakfast? Because you're beginning to bore me. If you don't want to buy something, I'll go get the salsa and the tortillas -"_

"He acts like the king of the world or something," I said.

_"We were looking for something special," I interrupted. "Something real. And magic. But I guess you don't have something like that."_

"Nice!" Jason said. "Trying to talk him into showing you it."

"You know you're talking to a book, right?" I pointed out.

"So?"

"Never mind."

_"Ha!" Cacus clapped his hands. "A high-end shopper. If I haven't got what you need in stock, I can steal it, for the right price of course."_

_"Hermes's staff," I said. "The caduceus."_

_The giant's face turned as red as her hair. His eyes narrowed. "I see. I should've known Hermes would send someone. Who are you two? Children of the thief god?"_

_Annabeth raised her knife. "Did he just call me Hermes's kid? I'm going to stab him in the."_

"Wow Annabeth," Piper said. "You really don't like him do you."

"Of course not, he's just on my bad side right now," answered Annabeth.

_"I'm Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon," I told the giant. I put my arm out to hold Annabeth back." This is Annabeth Chase, doughter of Athena. We help out the gods sometimes with little stuff, like - oh, killing Titans, saving Mount Olympus, things like that. Perhaps you've heard stories. So about that caduceus... it would be easier to just hand it over before things get unpleasant."_

Piper raised an eyebrow. "Was that supposed to threaten him?" She asked.

_I looked him in the eyes and hoped my threat would work. I know it sounds ridiculous, a sixteen-year-old trying to stare down a fire-breathing giant. But I **had** battled some pretty serious mosters before. Plus, I'd bathed in the River Styx, which made me immune to most physical should be worth a little street cred, right? Maybe Cacus had heard of me. Maybe he would tremble and whimper, **Oh, Mr. Jackson. I'm so sorry! I didn't**** realize!**_

"Why do I get the feeling that it doesn't work?" I asked.

"Maybe because he sounds so hopeful and unrealistic?" Jason said.

"Touche."

_Instead he threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, I see! That was supposed to scare me! But alas, the only demigod who ever defeated me was Hercules himself."_

"I'm starting to think that Hercules is really popular in the mythology world." I said.

"Well, of course!" Piper exclaimed. "He's the most famous demigod of all time! He's even a god now."

"Oh, good point."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Just let it go, he's hopeless."

"Hey!"

"It's true," Piper said.

"Fine," I huffed.

_I turned to Annabeth and shook my head in exasperation. "Always Hercules. What is it with Hercules?"_

_Annabeth shrugged. "He had a great publicist."_

_The giant kept boasting. "For centuries, I was the terror of Italy! I stole many cows - more than any other giant. Mothers used to scare their children with my name. They would say, 'Mind your manners, child, or Cacus will come and steal your cows!'"_

_"Horrifying," Annabeth said._

_The giant grinned. "I know! Right?"_

"Wow," Jason said. "He has a big head."

_"So you may as well give up, demigods. You'll never get the caduceus. I have plans for that!"_

_He raised his hand and the staff of Hermes appeared in his grip. I'd seen it many times before, but it still sent a shiver down my back._

"Why?" I asked.

_Godly items radiate power._

"Oh."

_The staff was smooth white wood about three feet long, topped with a silver sphere and dove's wings that fluttered nervously. Intertwined around the staff were two live, very agitated serpents._

_**Percy!** A reptilian voice spoke in my mind. **Thanks the gods!**  
_

_Another snaky voice, deeper and grumpier, said, **Yes, I haven't been fed in hours.**_

_"Martha, George," I said. "Are you guys all right?"_

"He can talk to the snakes?" Jason asked surprised.

_**Better if I got some food, **George complained. **There are some nice rats down here. Could you catch us some?**  
_

_**George, stop! **Martha chided. **We have bigger problems. This giant wants to keep us!**_

"Gotta hand it to him," I said. "George is making a good point."

"He wants food when Martha wants to get out," Annabeth pointed out. "Who do you think is smarter?"

"George because if you don't eat food, you'll die." I replied.

Annabeth thought about it. "Good point. I still think Martha has more common sense, though."

_Cacus looked back and forth from me to the snakes. "Wait... You can speak to the snakes, Percy Jackson? That's excellent! Tell them they'd better start cooperating. I'm their new master, and they'll only get fed when they start taking orders."_

"As if he'd actually do that," Jason said.

_**The nerve!** Martha shrieked. **You tell that ginger jerk -**  
_

_"Hold on," Annabeth interrupted. "Cacus, the snakes will never obey you. They only work for Hermes. Since you can't use the staff, it doesn't do you any good. Just give it back and we'll pretend this never_ happened."

"Good idea," Piper said. "Trying to talk him into giving you the staff."

_"Great idea," I said._

_The giant snarled. "Oh, I'll figure out the staff's powers, girl. I'll **make** the snakes cooperate!"_

_Cacus shook the caduceus. George and Martha wriggled and hissed, but they seemed stuck to the staff. I knew the caduceus could turn into all sorts of helpful things - a sword, a cell phone, a price scanner for easy comparison-shopping. And once George had mentioned something disturbing about "laser mode." I really didn't want Cacus figuring out that feature._

"That would be real bad," I said.

"Funny," Annabeth said. "That's exactly what Apollo said once."

"Really? Cool!" I grinned.

_Finally the giant growled in frustration. He slammed the staff against the nearest cow carcass and instantly the meat turned to stone._

"Uh oh," Everyone said.

_A wave of petrifaction spread from carcass to carcass until the rack became so heavy it collapsed._

"Double uh oh," I said.

_Half a dozen granite cows broke to pieces._

_"Now **that's** interesting" Cacus beamed._

_"Uh-oh." Annabeth took a step back._

_The giant swung the staff in our direction. "Yes! Soon I will master this thing and be as powerful as Hermes. I'll be able to go anywhere! I'll steal anything I want, make high-quality knockoffs, and sell them around the world. I will be the lord of traveling salesmen!"_

"That's a bad thought," Jason said.

_"That," I said, "is truly evil."_

_"Ha-ha!" Cacus raised the caduceus in triumph. "I had my doubts, but now I'm convinced. Stealing this staff was an excellent idea! Now let's see how I can kill you with it."_

_"Wait!" Annabeth said. "You mean it wasn't your idea to steal the staff?"_

"It wasn't?" I asked. "You mean, he didn't come up with this idea?"

"I don't think he's smart enough, Leo." Piper pointed out.

_"Kill them!" Cacus ordered the snakes. He pointed the caduceus at us, but the silver tip only spewed slips of paper. Annabeth picked up one and read it._

_"You're trying to kill us with Groupons," she announced. "'Eighty-five percent off piano lessons.'"_

"Well that would work." Jason said sarcastically.

_"Gah!" Cacus glared at the snakes and breathed a fiery warning shot over their heads. "Obey me!"_

_George and Martha squirmed in alarm._

_**Stop that!** Martha cried.  
_

_**We're cold blooded!** George protested. **Fire is not good!**_

_"Hey Cacus!" I shouted, trying to get back his attention. "Answer our question. Who told you to steal the_ staff?"

"Good question," Piper said.

_The giant sneered. "Foolish demigod. When you defeated Kronos, did you think you eliminated **all** the enemies of the gods? You only delayed the fall of Olympus for a little while longer. Without the staff, Hermes will be unable to carry messages. Olympian communication lines will be disrupted, and that's only the first bit of chaos my friends have planned."_

_"Your friends?" Annabeth asked._

"He has friends?" I asked.

"I guess so," Jason answered.

_Cacus waved off the question. "Doesn't matter. You won't live that long, and I'm only in it for the money. With this staff, I'll make millions! Maybe even thousands! Now hold still. Perhaps I can get a good price on two demigod statues."_

"How stupid can anyone get?" Piper asked.

"I guess he can be really stupid." Jason agreed.

_I wasn't fond of threats like that. I'd had enough of them a few years ago when I fought Medusa. I wasn't anxious to fight this guy, but I also knew I couldn't leave George and Martha at his mercy. Besides, the world had enough traveling salesmen. Nobody deserved to answer their door and find a fire-breathing giant with a magic staff and a collection of knockoff Rolexes._

"That would be terrible," I said. "I already don't like traveling salesmen, add in a giant and I would absolutely **hate **them."

_I looked at Annabeth. "Time to fight?"_

_She gave, me a sweet smile. "Smartest thing you've said all morning."_

"You can say that again," Jason said.

_You're probably thinking: Wait, you just charged in without a plan?_

"That's exactly what I'm thinking," I said.

_But Annabeth and I have been fighting together for years. We knew each other's abilities. We could anticipate each other's moves. I might have felt awkward and nervous about being her boyfriend,__but fighting with her? That came_ naturally.

"That sounded wrong," Piper said.

Hmm... that sounded wrong, Oh, well.

_Annabeth veered to the giant's left. I charged him head-on. I was still out of sword-reach when Cacus unhinged his jaw and blew fire._

_My next startling discovery: flaming breath was hot._

I lit my hand on fire. "It's not hot for me!"

"How's that startling?" Jason asked, ignoring me.

"I don't know," Piper replied.

_I managed to leap to one side, but I could feel me arms starting to warm up and my clothed igniting._

"Wait," Jason said. "Starting to?"

_I rolled through the mud to douse the flames and knocked over a rack of woman's coats._

"Oooooo, he won't like that," I said.

_The giant roared. "Look what you've done! Those were genuine fake Prada!"_

_Annabeth used the distraction to strike. She lunged at Cacus from behind and stabbed him in the back of the knee - usually a nice soft spot on monsters. She leaped away as Cacus swung the caduceus, barely missing her. The silver tip slammed into the bulldozer and the entire machine turned to stone._

_"I'll kill you!" Cacus stumbled, golden ichor pouring from his wounded leg._

_He blew fire at Annabeth, but she dodged the blast. I lunged with Riptide and slashed my blade across the giant's other leg._

_You'd think that would be enough, right?_

"Yeah."

_But no._

"Man, you guys have the worst luck," Jason said.

_Cacus bellowed in pain. He turned with surprising speed, smacking me with the back of his hand. I went flying and crashed into a pile of broken stone cows. My vision blurred. Annabeth yelled, "Percy!" but her voice sounded as though it were underwater._

"He must've hit his head really hard then," Piper said.

_Move! Martha's voice spoke in my mind. **He's about to strike!**_

**_Roll_**_ left! George said, which was one of the more helpful suggestions he'd ever made. I rolled to the left as the caduceus smashed into the pile of stone where I'd been lying._

_I heard a CLANG! And the giant screamed, "Gah!"_

"Huh?" I wondered what happened.

_I staggered to my feet. Annabeth had smacked her shield across the giant's backside. Being an expert at school expulsion, I'd gotten kicked out of several military academies where they still believed paddling was good for the soul. I had a fair idea how it felt to be spanked with a large flat surface, and my rump clenched in sympathy._

"How many schools did he get kicked out of?" Jason asked.

"I'm not sure exactly," Annabeth answered. "I think he mentioned that he got kicked out, or moved, from a different school every year."

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "He's worse than me!"

_Cacus staggered, but before Annabeth could discipline him again, he turned and snatched the shield from her. He crumpled the Celestial bronze like paper and tossed it over his shoulder._

"Oh," Piper realized something. "That's why you said that you needed a new one."

"Yeah, that one got completely destroyed." Annabeth replied.

_So mush for that magic item._

_"Enough!" Cacus leveled the staff at Annabeth._

_I was still dizzy. My spine felt like it had been treated to a night at Crusty's Water Bed Palace, but I stumbled forward, determined to help Annabeth._

"Who's Crusty?" I asked.

"He's really loyal, isn't he," Piper said.

"Yeah," Annabeth said, completely ignoring me.

_Before I could get there, the caduceus changed form. I became a cell phone and rang to the tune of "Macarena."_

"One point for the snakes!" I shouted.

_George and Martha, now the size of earthworms, curled around the screen._

**_Good_**_ one, George said._

**_We danced to this at our wedding, _**_Martha said. **Remembe****r**** dear?**_

"How do snakes dance to this?" Jason asked.

"Beats me," I replied.

_"Stupid snakes!" Cacus shook the cellphone violently._

_**Eek!** Martha said._

**_Help -_**_ me! George's voice quivered. **Must - obey - red **- **bathrobe!**_

I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Jason asked.

"Even though they're in a life-or-death situation, you got to admit, George is funny," I said.

_The phone grew back into a staff._

_"Now, behave!" Cacus warned the snakes. "Or I'll turn you two into a fake Gucci handbag!"_

_Annabeth ran to my side. Together we backed up until we were next to the ladder._

_"Our tag game strategy isn't working so well," she noticed. She was breathing heavily. The left sleeve of her T-shirt was smoldering, but otherwise she looked okay. "Any suggestions?"_

"You're actually asking him for suggestions?" I asked surprised.

"Just because he's a seaweed brain doesn't mean he's not smart," Annabeth said. "He can come up with ideas sometimes."

_My ears were ringing. Her voise still sounded like she was underwater._

_Wait... **under water.**_

"Huh?"

_I looked up the tunnel - all those broken pipes embedded in the rock: waterkines, sewer ducts. Being the son of the sea god, I could sometimes control water. I wondered..._

"He lost me," I said.

"It's simple," Piper explained. "You see he wants to -"

"Don't tell him," Annabeth interrupted. "It's going to be a surprise."

"Okay then." Piper stopped.

_"I don't like you!" Cacus yelled. He stalked towards ue, smoke pouring from his nostrils. "It's time to end this."_

_"Hold on," I told Annabeth. I wrapped my free hand around her waist._

_I concentrated on finding water above us. It wasn't hard. I felt a dangerous amount of pressure in the sit's waterlines, and I summoned it all into the broken pipes._

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I get it."

"Finally," everyone else said.

_Cacus towered over us, his mouth glowing like a furnace. "Any last words, demigod?"_

_"Look up," I told him._

_He did._

_Not to self: When causing the sewer system of Manhattan to explode, do **not **stand underneath it._

"Why?" I asked.

_The whole cavern rumbled as a thousand water pipes burst overhead. A not-so-clean waterfall slammed Cacus in the face. I yanked Annabeth out of the way, then leaped back into the edge of the torrent, carrying Annabeth with me._

"Eew!" Piper exclaimed. "That's disgusting!"

Everyone agreed.

_I'd never attempted this before, but I willed myself to travel upstream like a salmon, jumping from current to current as the water gushed into the cavern. If you've ever tried running up a wet slide, it was kind of like that, except at a ninety-degree angle and with no slide - just_ water.

"Cool!" I shouted.

_Far below I heard Cacus bellowing as millions, maybe even thousands of filthy gallons of water slammed into_ _him._

"Oh, you're mocking him now," Jason said.

"You're still talking to a book," I pointed out.

"Whatever."

_Meanwhile Annabeth alternatly shouted, gagged, hit me, called me endearing pet names like, "Idiot! Stupid - dirty - moron -" and topped it all off with, "Kill you!"_

"Yup," I said sarcastically. "Those are definitely endearing pet names."

_Finally we shot out of the ground atop a disgusting geyser and landed safely on the pavement._

_Pedestrians and cops backed away, yelling in alarm at our sewage version of Old Faithful. Brakes screeched and cars rear-ended each other as drivers stopped to watch the chaos._

"Well," Piper said. "That made a scene."

"Ya think?" I said.

_I willed myself dry - a handy trick - but I still smelled pretty bad. Annabeth had old cotton balls stuck to her hair and a wet candy wrapper plastered to her face._

_"That," she said, "was horrible!"_

"We can tell," Jason said.

_"On the bright side," I said, "we're alive." _

_"Without the caduceus!"_

_I grimaced. Yeah... minor detail._

"How's that minor?" Piper asked.

"Not sure Beauty Queen," I replied. "Probably because they're alive."

_Maybe the giant would drown. Then he'd dissolve and return to Tartarus the way most defeated monsters do, and we could go and collect the caduceus._

_That sounded reasonable enough._

"Why do I know that it doesn't happen that way?" Jason asked.

"Probably because he has the worst luck ever," Piper replied.

"True that."

_The geyser receded, followed by the horrendous sound of water draining down the tunnel, like somebody up on Olympus had flushed the godly toilet._

"That's a weird comparison," Piper said.

_Then a distant snaky voice spoke in my mind. **Gag me, **said George. **Even for me that was disgusting, and I eat rats.**_

_**Incoming!** Martha warned. **Oh, no! I think the giant has figured out -**_

_An explosion shook the street. A beam of blue light shot out of the tunnel, carving a trench up the side of a glass office building, melting windows and vaporizing concrete. The giant climbed from the pit, his velour housecoat steaming, and his face splattered with slime._

"Uh oh."

_He did not look happy. In his hands, the caduceus now resembled a bazooka with snakes wrapped around the barrel and a glowing blue muzzle._

"Uh oh."

_"Okay," Annabeth said faintly. "Um, what is that?"_

_"That," I guessed, "would be laser mode._

"Uh -"

"We get it Leo!"

"Fine."

_To all of you who live in the Meatpacking District, I apologize. Because of the smoke, debris, and chaos, you probably just call it the Packing District now, since so many of you had to move out._

_Still, the real surprise is that we didn't do **more **damage._

"You didn't? I'm impressed." Jason nodded.

_Annabeth and I fled as another laser bolt gouged a ditch through the street to our left. Chunks of asphalt rained down like confetti._

_Behind us, Cacus yelled, "You ruined my fake Rolexes! They aren't waterproof, you know! For that, you die!"_

"He really cares for the Rolexes, doesn't he." Piper said.

"Probably," I said. "Why else would he be chasing them?"

_We kept running. My hope was to get this monster away from innocent mortals, but that's kind of hard to do in the middle of New York. Traffic clogged the streets. Pedestrians screamed and ran in every direction. The two police officers I'd seen earlier were nowhere in sight, maybe swept away by the mob._

_"The park!" Annabeth pointed to the elevated tracks of the High Line. "If we can get him off street level -"_

_BOOM! The laser cut through a nearby food truck. The vendor dove out his service window with a fistful of shish kebabs._

"What a waste of food!" I exclaimed.

_Annabeth and I sprinted for the park stairs. Sirens screamed in the distance, but I didn't want more police involved. Mortal law enforcement would only make things more complicated, and through the Mist, the police might even think Annabeth and I were the problem. You just never knew._

"That would be bad," Jason said. "It might cause more trouble than you want."

"Yeah," Piper agreed. "You'd have to explain why you had weapons and why the staff you're holding has snakes."

_We climbed up to the park. I tried to get my bearings. Under different circumstances, I would've enjoyed the view of the glittering Hudson River and the rooftops of the surrounding neighborhood. The weather was nice. The park's flower beds were bursting with color._

"Such a nice day," Piper said. "Too bad you couldn't spend it in a different way."

_The High Line was empty, though - maybe because it was a workday, or maybe because the visitors were smart and ran when they heard the explosions._

_Somewhere below us, Cacus was roaring, cursing, and offering panicked mortals deep discounts on slightly damp Rolexes. I figured we only had a few seconds before he found us._

"Only slightly damp?" Annabeth asked. "I don't think so."

"More like flooded," Piper said.

"Yup." Annabeth agreed.

_I scanned the park, hoping for something that would help. All I saw were benches, walkways, and lots of plants. I wished we had a child of Demeter with us. Maybe they could entangle the giant in vines, or turn flowers into ninja throwing stars. I'd never actually seen a child of Demeter do that, but it would be cool._

"It would be cool, but I don't think they can do the second thing." Annabeth said.

"Darn it!" I said. "That would be so cool though."

_I looked at Annabeth. "Your turn for a brilliant idea."_

_"I'm working on it." She was beautiful in combat. I know that's a crazy thing to say, especially after we'd just climbed a sewage waterfall, but her grey eyes sparkled when she was fighting for her life. Her face shone like a goddess's, and believe me, I've seen goddesses. The way her Camp Half-Blood beads rested against her throat - Okay, sorry. Got a little distracted._

Annabeth was blushing so much her face looked like a tomato.

_She pointed. "There!"_

_A hundred feet away, the old railroad tracks split and the elevated platform formed a Y. The shorter piece of the Y was a dead end - part of the park that was still under construction. Stacks of potting soil bags and plant flats sat on the gravel. Jutting over the edge of the railing was the arm of a crane that must've been sitting at ground level. Far above us, a big metal claw hung from the crane's arm - probably what they've been using to hoist garden supplies._

_Suddenly I understood what Annabeth was saying,_

"First time for everything," I said.

_and I felt like I was trying to swallow a quarter. "No," I said. "Too dangerous."_

_Annabeth raised her eyebrows. "Percy, you **know **I rock at grabber-arm games."_

"You do?" Jason asked surprised.

"What? Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't have fun." Annabeth said indignantly.

_That was true. I'd taken her to the arcade at Coney Island, and we'd come back with a sackful of stuffed animals. But this crane was **massive**._

_"Don't worry," she promised. "I've supervised bigger equipment on Mount Olympus."_

"You have?" Piper asked.

"Yeah," Annabeth replied. "I'm redesigning it."

"Cool!" I said.

_My girlfriend: sophomore honors student, demigod, and - oh, yeah - head architect for redesigning the palace of the gods on Mount Olympus in her spare time._

_"But can you operate it?" I asked._

_"Cakewalk Just lure him over there. Keep him occupied while I grab him."_

_"And then what?"_

"Good question," I said. "What will you do?"

"You'll see," Annabeth said mysteriously.

_She smiled in a way that made me glad I wasn't the giant._ "You'll see."

"Don't repeat yourself Annabeth!" I said.

"Shut up."

"Yes ma'am."

_"If you can snag the caduceus while he's distracted, that would be great."_

_"Aything else?" I asked. "Would you like fries and a drink, maybe?"_

_"Shut up, Percy."_

_"DEATH!" Cacus stormed up the steps and onto the High Line. He spotted us and lumbered over with slow, grim determination._

"Uh oh."

"Stop that Leo!" Piper commanded.

"Fine." I huffed.

_Annabeth ran. She reached the crane and leaped over the side of the railing, shinnying down the metal arm like it was a tree branch. She disappeared._

_I raised my sword and faced the giant. His red velour robe was in tatters. He'd lost his slippers. His ginger hair was plastered to his head like a greasy shower cap. He aimed his glowing bazooka._

_"George, Martha," I called, hoping they could hear me. "Please change out of laser mode."_

"That would be helpful," Jason said.

**_We're trying dear!_**_ Martha said._

_**My stomach hurts,** George said. **I think he bruised my**__** tummy.**_

"How'd he do that?" I asked.

No one answered.

_I backed up slowly down the dead end tracks, edging toward the crane. Cacus followed. Now that he had me trapped, he seemed in to hurry to kill me. He stopped twenty feet away, just beyond the shadow of the crane's hook. I tried to look cornered and panicked. It wasn't hard._

"Really?" I asked. "I'd think it would be hard considering that you had a plan."

"That was the smartest thing you said all day." Piper said.

"Why thank you." I took a bow.

"Sit down Leo," Jason said.

_"So," Cacus growled. "Any last words?"_

_"**Help**," I said. "**Yikes. Ouch.** How are those? Oh, and Hermes is a **way** better salesmen than you."_

_"Gah!" Cacus lowered the caduceus laser."_

_The crane didn't move. Even if Annabeth could get it started, I wondered how she could see her target from down below. I probably should've thought of that earlier._

"Yeah, you should've," Jason said.

"Don't worry," Annabeth reassured them. "I could still see them."

_Cacus pulled the trigger, and suddenly the caduceus changed form. The giant tried to zap me with a credit card-swiping machine, but the only thing that came out was a paper reciept._

"Beware!" I shouted. "The terrifying... paper receipt!"

**_Oh_**_ yeah! George yelled in my mind. **One for the snakes!**_

_"Stupid staff!" Cacus threw down the caduceus in disgust, which was the chance I'd been looking for. I launched myself forward, snatched the staff, and rolled under the giant's legs._

"Whoop, whoop!" I cheered. "One for Percy!"

_When I got to my feet, we'd changed positions. Cacus had his back to the crane. Its arm was right behind him, the claw perfectly positioned above his head._

_Unfortunately, the crane still wasn't moving. And Cacus still wanted to kill me._

_"You put out my fire with that cursed sewage," he growled. "Now you steal my staff."_

"His staff?" Jason said disbelievingly. "He stole the staff first!"

_"Which **you **wrongfully stole," I said._

_"It doesn't matter." Cacus cracked his knuckles. "You can't use the staff either. I'll simply kill you with my bare hands."_

_The crane shifted, slowly and almost silently. I realized there were mirrors fixed along the side of the arm - like rearview mirrors to guide the operator. And reflected in one of those mirrors were Annabeth's grey eyes._

"Oh yeah!" I shouted. "Go Annabeth!"

Annbeth smiled.

_The claw opened and began to drop._

_I smiled at the giant. "Actually, Cacus, I have another secret weapon."_

_The giant's eyes lit up with greed. "Another weapon? Iw ill steal it! I will copy it and sell the knockoffs for a profit! What is this secret weapon?"_

_"Her name is Annabeth." I said. "And she's one of a kind."_

"Annbeth blushed.

"He's so sweet!" Piper said.

"Piper?" Jason asked. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, why?" she asked confused.

"You just sounded like one of your siblings." He said.

"Argh! I've been around them too much." She groaned.

"Oh, okay."

He started reading again.

_The claw dropped, smacking Cacus on the head and knocking him to the cround. While the giant was dazed, the claw closed around his chest and lifted him into the air._

_"Wh - what is this?" The giant came to his senses twenty feet up. "Put me down!"_

_He squirmed uselessly and tried to blow fire, but only managed to cough up some mud._

"Yeah!," I shouted. "Give up giant!"

_Annabeth swung the crane arm back and forth, building momentum as the giant cursed and struggled. I was afraid the whole crane would tip over, but Annabeth's control was perfect. She swung the arm one last time and opened the claw when the giant was at the top of his arc._

_"Aahhhhhhhhh!" The giant sailed over the rooftops, straight over Chelsea Piers, and began falling toward the Hudson River._

_"George, Martha," I said. "Do you think you could manage laser mode just once more for me?" _

**_With pleasure,_**_ George said._

_The caduceus turned into a wicked high-tech bazooka._

_I took aim at he falling giant and yelled, "Pull!"_

_The caduceus blasted its beam of blue light, and the giant disintegrated into a beautiful starburst._

"Go Percy and the snakes!" I shouted.

**_That_**_, George said, **was excellent. May I have a rat now?**_

_**I have to agree wit George,** Martha said. **A rat would be lovely.**_

_"You've earned it,"_

"True," Piper said. "They did make the giant disintegrate."

_I said. "But first we'd better check on Annabeth."_

_She met me at the steps of the park, grinning like crazy._

_"Was that amazing?" she demanded._

_"That was amazing," I agreed. It's hard to pull off a romantic kiss when you're both drenched in muck, but we gave it our best shot._

"So cute!" Piper said.

"Seriously," Jason said. "Are you sick?"

"I should stop shouldn't I." Piper asked.

"Yup," I agreed. "Before you get any worse."

"Shut up."

_When I finally came up for air, I said, "Rats."_

"Rats?" Piper asked.

_"Rats?" she asked._

"You think like Annabeth!" I said.

"Thank you," Piper replied.

_"For the snakes," I said. "And then -"_

_"Oh, gods." She pulled out her phone and checked the time. "It's almost five. We have to get the caduceus back to Hermes!"_

_The surface streets were clogged with emergency vehicles and minor accidents, so we took the subway back. Besides, the subway had rats. Without going into gruesome details, I can tell you that George and Martha helped out with the vermin problem._

" You don't even want to know," Annabeth said, a bit green.

_As we traveled north, they curled around the caduceus and dozed contentedly with bulging bellies._

_We met Hermes by the Atlas statue at Rockefeller Center. (The statue, by the way, looks nothing like the real Atlas, but that's another story.)_

"You've met Atlas?" Jason asked, surprised.

"Yeah," Annabeth replied. "It was when I was thirteen."

"Oh."

_"Thank the Fates!" Hermes cried. "I'd just about given up hope!"_

_He took the caduceus and patted the heads of his sleepy snakes. "There, there, my friends. You're home now."_

_**Zzzzz**, said Martha._

**_Yummy_**_, George murmured in his sleep._

_Hermes sighed with relief. "Thank you Percy."_

_Annabeth cleared her throat._

_"Oh, yes," the god added, "and you, too, girl. I just have time to finish my deliveries! But what happened with Cacus?"_

_We told him the story. When I related what Cacus had said about someone else giving him the idea to steal the caduceus, and about the gods having other enemies, Hermes's face darkened._

"That must've made him worry a little," Jason said. "He probably thought Cacus just stole the staff for no reason."

_"Cacus wanted to cut the gods' communication lines, did he?" Hermes mused. "That's ironic, considering Zeuss has been threatening..."_

_His voice trailed off._

_"What?" Annabeth asked. "Zeus has been threatening what?"_

"Good question," Piper said.

_"Nothing." Hermes said._

_It was obviously a lie, but I'd learned that it's best not to confront gods when they lie to your face. They tend to turn you into small fuzzy animals or potted plants._

"How'd he learn that?" I asked.

Everyone thought about it.

"I'm not sure," Annabeth finally answered. "Maybe he just said something random that they'd turn you into."

"Okay. That makes sense."

_"Okay..." I said. "Any idea what Cacus meant about other enemies, or who would want him to steal your caduceus?"_

_Hermes fidgeted. "Oh, could be any number of enemies. We gods **do **have many."_

_"Hard to believe," Annabeth said._

_Hermes nodded._

"Didn't he know you were being sarcastic?" Piper asked.

"Maybe," Annabeth replied. "Maybe not. You can't tell with a god."

_Apparently he didn't catch the sarcasm, or he had other things on his mind. I got the feeling the giant's warnings would come back to haunt us sooner or later, but Hermes obviously wasn't going to enlighten us now._

_The god managed a smile. "At any rate, well done, both of you! Now I must be going. So many stops -"_

_"There's the small matter of my reward," I reminded him._

"Reward?" Jason asked.

_Annabeth frowned. "What reward?"_

_"It's our one-month anniversary," I said. "Surely you didn't forget."_

"He got you that time," I said.

_She opened her mouth and closed it again. I don't leave her speechless very often. I have to enjoy those rare moments."_

"Very rare moments," Annabeth said.

_"Ah, yes, your reward." Hermes looked us up and down. "I think we'll have to start with new clothes. Manhattan sewage is not a look you can pull off. Then the res should be easy. God of travel, at your service."_

_"What's he talking about?" Annabeth asked._

_"A special place for dinner," I said. "I **did** promise."_

_Hermes rubbed his hands. "Say good-bye, George and Martha."_

**_Goodbye, George and Martha,_**_ said George sleepily._

**_Zzz,_** _said Martha._

_"I may not see you for a while, Percy," Hermes warned. "But... well, enjoy tonight."_

_He made that sound so ominous, I wondered again what he wasn't telling me. Then he snapped his fingers, and the world dissolved around us._

"What?" I asked.

_Our table was ready. The maitre d' seated us on a rooftop terrace with a view of the lights of Paris and the boats on the River Seine. The Eiffel Tower glowed in the distance._

"You're in Paris?" Piper asked.

"Yeah," Annabeth said. "It was sweet."

_I was wearing a suit. I hope someone got a picture, because I don't **wear** suits. Thankfully, Hermes had magically arranged this. Otherwise I couldn't have tied the tie. Hopefully looked okay, because Annabeth looked stunning. She wore a dark green sleeveless dress that showed off her long blond hair and slim athletic figure. Her camp necklace had been replaced by a string of grey pearls that matched her eyes._

"I can't imagine you wearing a dress," I said.

"Well, I don't usually wear one," Annabeth said. "I can wear them though."

_The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I'm a barbarian). We dined on a bunch of stuff I couldn't even pronounce - but all of it was great. It was almost half an hour before Annabeth got over her shock and spoke._

"What were you dining on?" I asked.

"I'm not sure actually," Annabeth said.

_"This is... incredible."_

_"Only the best for you," I said. "And you thought I forgot."_

_"You **did** forget, Seaweed Brain." But her smile told me she wasn't really mad. "Nice save, though. I'm impressed."_

_"I have my moments."_

_"You certainly do." She reached across the table an took my hand. Her expression turned serious. "Any idea why Hermes acted so nervous? I got the feeling something bad was happening on Olympus."_

_I shook my head. **I may not see you for a while,** the god had said, almost like he was warning me about something to come._

_"Let's just enjoy tonight," I said. "Hermes will be teleporting us back at midnight."_

"Wait, you got to go to Paris?" I asked.

"Yup."

"But you had to fight a giant first."

"Yup."

"Oh"

_"Time for a walk along the river," Annabeth suggested. "And Percy... feel free to start planning our two-month anniversary."_

_"Oh, gods." I felt panicky at the thought, but also really good. I'd survived a month as Annabeth's boyfriend, so I guess I hadn't screwed things up too badly. In fact, I'd never been happier. If she saw a future for us - if she was still planning to be me next month, then that was good enough for me._

"Oh, wow," I said.

_"How about we go for that walk?" I pulled out the credit card Hermes had tucked in my pocket - a black metal Olympus Express - and set it on the table. "I want to explore Paris with a beautiful girl."_

"Done!" Jason said.

"Lets go to lunch!" Annabeth said.

**Sorry it took so long. I didn't expect it to take so long. I decided to add another story. I'm adding Leo Valdez and the Quest for Buford. 新年快乐**


	4. Another Letter

Piper POV

After we all got back from lunch, another story appeared in the book. It was called, Leo Valdez and the Quest For Buford. Another note appeared. It said:

_Dear demigods,_

_Thank you for reading the story, interesting kid, isn't he. Well, we (I told Hermes about the stories, not the story you just read, just the stories) and he wanted to tell show you guys, mostly Annabeth, about the trouble Leo could cause. So, we sent you the story about the Argo II's engine. It sounds boring, but you'll understand later._

_The two most awesomest gods (again),_

_Hermes and Apollo_

"Well, um..." Leo trailed off.

"Lets read?" Jason said, undecided about weather he wanted to read or not, seeing we were in that story.

"Fine," Annabeth said. "Just don't interrupt too many times."

Jason started reading again.


	5. The Quest for Buford

**Sorry this chapter took so long, here's the story! **

Annabeth POV

Jason started reading again.

_Leo blamed the Windex._

"Wait, what?" I asked, confused.

"It's going to tell you," Piper replied.

_He should've known better. Now his entire project - two months of work - might literally blow up in his face._

"What!" I shouted.

Leo shrunk back.

"Sorry?" He said sheepishly.

"It's fine," I said. "You didn't mean to."

_He stormed around Bunker 9, cursing himself for being so stupid, while his friends tried to calm him down._

_"It's okay," Jason said. "We're here to help."_

_"Just tell us what happened," Piper urged._

_Thank goodness they'd answered his distress call so quickly. Leo couldn't turn to anyone else. Having his best friends at his side made him feel better, though he wasn't sure they could stop the disaster._

"What was the disaster?" I asked.

"It will come up somewhere," Jason told me.

"Fine."

_Jason looked cool and confident as usual - all surfer-dude handsome with his blond hair and sky-blue eyes. The scar on his mouth and the sword at his side gave him a rugged appearance, like he could handle anything._

"That's a pretty accurate description," I said.

_Piper stood next to him in her jeans and orange camp T-shirt. Her long brown hair was braided on one side. Her dagger Katoptris gleamed at her belt. Despite the situation, her multicolored eyes sparkled like she was trying to suppress a smile. Now that Jason and she were officially together, Pip looked like that a lot._

"Okay," Piper said. "How did this author get these descriptions?"

"Who knows," Leo replied.

_Leo took a deep breath. "Okay, guys. This is **serious.** Buford's gone. If we don't get him back, this whole place is going to__ explode."_

"Who's Buford?" I asked.

"You'll see," Jason answered.

_Piper's eyes lost some of that smiley sparkle. "Explode? Um... okay. Just calm down and tell us who Buford is."_

"Good idea," I said. "Now we can find out who Buford is."

_She probably didn't do it on purpose, but Piper had this child-of-Aphrodite power called **charmspeak** that made her voice hard to ignore. Leo felt his muscles relaxing. His mind cleared a little._

_"Fine," he said. "Come here."_

_He led them across the hanger door, carefully skirting some of his more dangerous projects. In his two months at Camp Half-Blood, Leo had spent most of his time at Bunker 9. After all, he'd rediscovered the secret workshop. Now it was like a second home to him. But he knew his friends still felt uncomfortable here._

_He didn't blame them._

"Why?" I asked.

Jason kept reading.

_Built into the side of a limestone cliff deep in the woods, the bunker was part weapons depot, part machine shop, and part underground safe house, with a little bit of Area 51-style craziness thrown in for good measure. Rows of workbenches stretched into darkness. Tool cabinets, storage closets, cages full of welding equipment, and stacks of construction material made the labyrinth of aisles so vast, Leo figured he'd only explored about ten percent of it so far. Overhead ran a series of catwalks and pneumatic tubes for delivering supplies, plus a high-tech lighting and sound system that Leo was just starting to figure out._

"Yeah!" Leo shouted. "Bunker 9 is awesome!"

"Good to know," Piper said. "Now can we keep reading?"

"Fine," Leo huffed.

_A large magical banner hung over the center of the production floor. Leo had recently discovered how to change the display, like the Times Square JumboTron, so now the banner read: **Merry Christmas! All your presents belong to**** Leo!**_

"I don't think anyone listened to you," Jason said. "Everyone just wanted their presents."

"What a waste of work," Leo sighed. "Now I have to reset it."

"Yeah, great for New Years and Valentines day."

"Great idea!" Leo shouted.

"Don't give him anymore ideas," I said.

"No problem."

_He ushered his friends to the central staging area. Decades ago, Leo's metallic friend Festus the bronze dragon had been created here. Now, Leo was slowly assembling his pride and joy - the Argo II._

_At the moment, it didn't look like much. The keel was laid - a length of Celestial bronze curved like an archer's bow, two hundred feet from bow to stern. The lowest hull planks had been set in place, forming a shallow bowl held together by scaffolding. Masts lay to one side, ready for positioning. The bronze dragon figurehead - formerly the head of Festus - sat nearby, carefully wrapped in velvet, waiting to be installed in its place of honor._

"Wow," I said. "That's pretty complicated."

"We really need more help on that thing," Jason noted.

"It's not a **thing **it's the Argo II and your ticket to Percy," Leo snapped.

"No need to snap," Jason said defensively. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's fine, man," Leo replied. "Just a bit stressed."

Jason smiled.

_Most of Leo's time was spent in the middle of the ship, at the base of the hull, where he was building the engine that would run the warship._

_He climbed the scaffolding and jumped into the hull. Jason and Piper followed._

_"See?" Leo said._

"Maybe you should be more clear," I said.

"I will," Leo replied.

_Fixed to the keel, the engine apparatus looked like a high-tech jungle gym made from pipes, pistons, bronze gears, magical disks, steam vents, electric wires, and a million other magical and mechanical pieces. Leo slid inside and pointed out the combustion chamber._

"I don't think that's clear enough," I said.

"It will get clearer," Leo said, exasperated.

_It was a thing of beauty, a bronze sphere the size of a basketball, its surface bristling with glass cylinders so it looked like a mechanical starburst. Gold wires ran from the ends of the cylinders, connecting to various parts of the engine. Each cylinder was filled with a different dangerous substance. The central sphere had a digital clock display that read 66:21. The maintenance panel was open. Inside, the core was empty._

"Um," I said. "Still not clear enough."

"I get it!"

_"That's your problem," Leo announced._

"I still don't get it," I said confused.

"Gah!"

_Jason scratched his head/ "Uh... what are we looking at?"_

_Leo thought it was pretty obvious,, but Piper looked confused too._

"Not everyone has your knowledge of mechanics," Piper said. "Or your randomness."

"I know that now," Leo said.

_"Okay," Leo sighed, "you want the full explanation or the short explanation?"_

_"Short," Piper and Jason said in unison._

_Leo gestured to the empty core. "The syncopator goes here. It's a multi-access gyro-valve to regulate flow. The dozen glass tubes on the outside? Those are filled with powerful, dangerous stuff. That glowing red one in Lemnos fire from my dad's forges. This murky stuff here? That's water from the River Styx. The stuff in the tubes is going to power the ship, right? Like radioactive rods in a nuclear reactor. But the mix ratio has to be controlled, and the timer is already operational."_

"Um..." I was speechless.

"See!" Leo said. "Simple!"

"I kind of get it," I said slowly.

"Finally!"

_Leo tapped the digital clock, which now read 65:15. "That means without the stncopater, this stuff is all going to vent into the chamber at the same time, in sixty-five minutes. At that point, we'll get a very nasty reaction."_

_Jason and Piper stared at him. Leo wondered if he'd been speaking English. Sometimes when he was agitated he slipped into Spanish, like his mom used to do in her workshop. But he was pretty sure he'd used English._

"Finally!" I said. "Someone who knows what I feel."

"What do you mean?" Jason asked curiously.

"I always explain everything and when I do, people usually get lost," I replied.

"Oh."

_"Um..." Piper cleared her throat. "Could you make the short explanation shorter?"_

_Leo palm-smacked his forehead._

"Isn't that called a facepalm?" Piper asked.

"Yeah, why?" Leo asked.

"Never mind."

_"Fine. One hour. Fluids mix. Bunker goes ka-boom. One square mile of forest turns into a smoking crater."_

"Leo?" I said.

"Yeah?" he said nervously.

"I'm trying really hard not to kill you right now."

He gulped.

_"Oh," Piper said in a small voice. "Can't you just...turn it off?"_

_"Gee. I didn't think of that!"Leo said._

"Well, Mr. Sarcastic," Jason said. "Aren't you having a bad day!"

"The Argo II was going to explode!" Leo pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," Jason replied sheepishly.

_"Let me just hit this switch and - **No**, Piper. I can't turn it off. This is a tricky piece of machinery. Everything has to be assembled in a certain order in a certain amount of time. Once the combustion chamber is rigged, like this, you can't just leave all those tubes sitting there. The engine has to be put in motion. The countdown clock started automatically, and I've got to install the syncopator before the fuel goes critical. Which is fine except...well, I lost the syncopator."_

"Oh...my...gods." I faceplamed.

"Sorry?" Leo said.

"I'm just shocked," I replied.

He looked relieved.

_Jason folded his arms. "You **lost **it. Don't you have an extra? Can't you pull one out of your tool belt?"_

_Leo shook his head. His magic tool belt could produce a lot of great stuff. Any kind of common tool - hammers, screwdrivers, bolt cutters, whatever - Leo could pull out of the pockets just by thinking about it. But the belt couldn't fabricate complicated devices or magic items._

"I really wish it could," Jason said.

Piper shivered. "Then we wouldn't have met those crazed nymphs."

"That would have been a relief," Leo agreed.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You'll see," all three said in unison.

_"The syncopator took me a week to make," he said. "And yes, I made a spare. I always do. But that's lost too. They were both in Buford's drawers."_

I blinked. "Who's Buford again?"

"It will tell you," Leo replied.

_"Who's Buford?" Piper asked. "And why are you storing syncopators in his drawers?"_

_Leo rolled his eyes. "Buford is a table."_

"A table?" I said surprised.

"Yes!" Leo said exasperated.

"No comment."

_"A table," Jason repeated. "Named Buford."_

_"Yes, a table." Leo wondered if his friends were losing their hearing._

"We aren't losing our hearing," Piper said. "We're just wondering if you're losing your sanity."

Leo looked offended.

_"A magic walking table. About three feet high, mahogany top, bronze base, three movable legs. I saved him from one of the supply closets and got him in working order. He's just like the tables my dad has in his workshop. Awesome helper; carries all my important machine parts."_

_"So what happened to him?" Piper asked._

_Leo felt a lump rising in his throat. The guilt was almost too much. "I-I got careless. I polished him with Windex, and...he ran away."_

"Okay..." I was speechless.

"Shocking isn't it," Piper asked.

"Yup," I agreed. "Now I know why you're questioning his sanity."

_Jason looked like he was trying to figure out an equation. "Let me get this straight. Your table ran away...because you polished him with Windex."_

_"I know, I'm an idiot!" Leo moaned. "A brilliant idiot, but still an idiot._

"How can you be a brilliant idiot?" Jason asked.

"You just be one," Leo replied.

Everyone just thought about it.

"Never mind," Leo groaned. "You people don't understand me."

_Buford **hates **being polished with Windex. It has to be Lemon Pledge with extra-moisturizing formula. I was distracted.__ I thought maybe just once he wouldn't notice. Then I turned around for a while to install the combustion tubes, and when I looked for Buford..."_

___Leo pointed to the giant open doors of the bunker. "He was gone. Little trail of oil and bolts leading outside. He could be anywhere by now, and he's got both syncopators!"_

___Piper glanced at the digital clock. "So...we have exactly one hour to find your runaway table, get back your synco-whatsit, and install it in this engine, or the Argo II explodes, destroying Bunker Nine and most of the woods."_

___"Basically," Leo said._

_"_Still wan't to strangle you!"

"I know!"

_Jason frowned. "We should alert the other campers. We might have to evacuate them."_

_"No!" Leo's voice broke. "Look, the explosion won't destroy the whole camp. Just the woods. I'm pretty sure. Like sixty-five percent sure."_

"That's not a good percentage," I said.

"I can't control what I think," Leo said pointedly.

"Touche."

_"Well, that's a relief," Piper muttered._

_"Besides," Leo said, "we don't have time, and I - I **can't **tell the others. If they find out how badly I've messed up..."_

_Jason and Piper looked at each other. The clock display changed to 59:00._

"You have less then an hour," I warned. "You should hurry."

_"Fine," Jason said. "But we'd better hurry."_

"That's what you just said Annabeth!" Leo exclaimed.

"I know!" I snapped.

"Sheesh, pushy," he muttered.

"I heard that!"

_As they trudged through the woods, the sun started to set. The camp's weather was magically controlled, so it wasn't freezing and snowing like it was in Long Island, but Leo could tell it was late December. In the shadows of the huge oak trees, the air was cold and damp. The mossy ground squished under their feet._

_Leo was tempted to summon fire in his hand. He'd gotten better at that since coming to camp, but he knew the nature spirits in the woods didn't like fire. He didn't want to be yelled at by any more dryads._

"You knew something!" Piper exclaimed. "It's the end of the world!"

"Be quiet Beauty Queen," Leo said.

"Don't call me that."

"Fine," he mumbled. "Beauty Queen."

_Christmas Eve. Leo didn't believe it was here already. He'd been working so hard in Bunker 9, he'd hardly noticed the weeks passing. Usually around the holidays he would be goofing around, pranking his friends, dressing up like Taco Claus (his personal invention), and leaving carne asada tacos in people's socks and sleeping bags, or pouring eggnog down his friend's shirts, or making up inappropriate lyrics to Christmas carols. This year, he was serious and hardworking. Any teacher he'd ever had would laugh if Leo described himself that way._

_Thing is, Leo had never cared so much about a project before. The Argo II had to be ready by June if they were going to start their big quest on time._

"Isn't it May already?" Jason asked. **(AN. I know it really isn't, but it fits.)**

"Yeah," I answered nonchalantly.

Leo started muttering to himself.

"What are you doing?" Piper whispered.

"Writing my will," Leo whispered back.

"Why?"

"The Argo II isn't finished yet."

"Relax," Piper charmspoke him. "You still have a month."

He relaxed. "Thanks."

_And while June seemed a long way away, Leo knew he'd barely have time to make the deadline. Even with the entire Hephaestus cabin helping him, constructing a magic flying warship was a huge task. It made launching a NASA spaceship look easy. They'd had so many setbacks, but all Leo could think about was getting the ship finished. It would be a masterpiece._

_Also, he wanted to get the dragon figurehead installed. He missed his old friend Festus, who'd literally crashed and burned on their last quest. Even if Festus would never be the same again, Leo hoped he could reactivate his brain by using the ship's engines. If Leo could Festus a second life, he wouldn't feel so bad._

"I feel sorry for you," I said. "It's sad that you basically work on the Argo II every day instead of doing the camp activities like everyone else."

"I know," Leo replied. "It's just, the Argo II will basically be our only ticket to fight the giants. If I mess up, the entire quest will fail."

"That's a lot of pressure for one demigod," Jason commented.

"A little too much if you ask me," Piper added.

"Well, we'll all go through the pressure together," I said.

_But none of that would happen if the combustion chamber exploded. It would be game over. No ship. No Festus. No quest. Leo would have no one to blame but himself. He really hated Windex._

_Jason knelt at the banks of a stream. He pointed to some marks in the mud. "Do those look like table tracks?"_

_"Or a raccoon," Leo suggested._

_Jason frowned. "With no toes?"_

"I don't know," Leo said sarcastically. "Maybe it was in a freak accident and lost them!"

"Be quiet Leo," everyone said simultaneously.

_"Piper?" Leo asked. "What do you think?"_

_She sighed. "Just because I'm Native American doesn't mean I can track furniture through the wilderness." She deepened her voice: "'Yes, **kemosabe**. A three-legged table passed this way an hour ago.' Heck, I don't know."  
_

"It's weird isn't it," I said.

"Yeah," Piper agreed.

"What are you talking about?" Leo asked.

"Oh, nothing," Piper and I replied.

_"Okay, jeez," Leo said._

_Piper was half Cherokee, half Greek goddess. Some days it was hard to tell which side of her family she was most sensitive about._

_"It's probably a table," Jason decided. "Which means Buford went across this stream."_

_Suddenly the water gurgled. A girl in a shimmering blue dress rose to the surface. She had stringy green hair, blue lips, and pale skin, so she looked like a drowning victim. Her eyes were wide open with alarm._

"Interesting description," I said.

Leo shrugged. "It's all true."

_"Could you be any louder?" she hissed. "They'll hear you!"_

_Leo blinked. He never got used to this - nature spirits just popping up out of trees and streams and whatnot._

"Whatnot?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, so?" Leo asked.

"Never mind."

_"Are you a naiad?" he asked._

"Did you need to ask?" Piper asked. "I mean, she **did **appear from the stream."

"Touche."

_"Shh! They'll kill us all! They're right over **there**!" She pointed behind her, into the trees on the other side of the stream. Unfortunately, that was the direction Buford seemed to have walked._

_"Okay," Piper said gently, kneeling next to the water. "We appreciate the warning. What's your name?"_

_The naiad looked like she wanted to bolt, but Piper's voice was hard to resist._

_"Brooke," the blue girl said reluctantly._

_"Brooke the brook?" Jason asked._

"Yes," I replied. "Is that strange?"

_Piper swatted his leg. "Okay Brooke. I'm Piper. We won't let anyone harm you. Just tell us who you're afraid of."_

_The naiad's face became more agitated. The water boiled around her. "My crazy cousins. You can't stop them. They'll tear you apart. None of us are safe! Now go away. I have to hide!"_

_Brooke melted into the water._

_Piper stood. "Crazy cousins?" She frowned at Jason. "Any idea what she was talking about?"_

_Jason shook his head. "Maybe we should keep our voices down."_

_Leo stared at the stream. He was trying to figure what was so horrible that it could tear apart a river spirit. How do you tear up water? Whatever it was, he didn't want to meet it._

"And naturally," Leo said. "We had to meet it!"

_Yet he could see Buford's tracks on the opposite bank - little square prints in the mud, leading in the direction the naiad had warned them about._

_"We have to follow the trail, right?" he said, mostly to convince himself. "I mean...we're heroes and stuff. We can handle whatever it is. Right?"_

_Jason drew his sword - a wicked Roman-style gladius with an Imperial gold blade. "Right. Of course."_

"You sounded like you needed support," Jason said.

"Thanks anyway," Leo replied.

_Piper unsheathed her dagger. She stared into the blade as if hoping Katoptris would show her a helpful vision. Sometimes the dagger did that. But if she saw anything important, she didn't say._

_"Crazy cousins," she muttered. "Here we come."_

_There was no more talking as they followed the table tracks deeper into the woods. The birds were silent. No monsters growled. It was as if all the other living creatures in the woods had been smart enough to leave._

"I wish we were," Leo muttered.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing."

_Finally they came to a clearing the size of a small parking lot. The sky overhead was heavy and grey. The grass was dry and yellow, and the ground was scarred with pits and trenches as if someone had done some crazy driving with construction equipment. In the center of the clearing stood a pile of boulders about thirty feet tall._

I gasped.

"You recognize the place?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, the Battle of the Labyrinth," I said sadly. "I haven't thought of that place in years."

"You were in it?" Leo asked, amazed.

"Who wasn't?"

_"Oh," Piper said. "This isn't good."_

_"Why?" Leo asked._

_"It's bad luck to be here," Jason said. "This is the battle site."_

_Leo scowled. "What battle?"_

I was surprised. "You didn't know?"

He shrugged. "I was busy."

_Piper raised her eyebrows. "How can you not know about it? The other campers talk about this place all the time."_

_"Been a little busy," Leo said._

_He tried not to feel a little bit bitter about it, but he missed out on a lot of regular camp stuff - the trireme fights, the chariot races, flirting with the girls. That was the worst part. Leo finally had an "in" with the hottest girls at camp, since Piper was the senior counselor for Aphrodite cabin, and he was too busy for her to fix him up. Sad._

_"The Battle of the Labyrinth." Piper kept her voice down, but she explained to Leo how the pile of rocks used to be called Zeus's Fist, back when it looked like something, not just a pile of rocks. There'd been an entrance to a magical labyrinth here, and a big army of monsters had come through it to invade camp. The campers won - obviously, since the camp was still here - but it had been a hard battle. Several demigods had died. The clearing was still considered cursed._

I shivered.

"What?" Leo asked.

"Just...memories," I replied. I remembered the labyrinth and Daedalus sacrificing himself to stop it. "Sad memories."

Jason, Leo , and Piper were silent.

_"Great," Leo grumbled. "Buford has to run to the most dangerous part of the woods. He couldn't just, like, run to the beach or a burger shop."_

_"Speaking of which..." Jason studied the ground. "How are we going to track him? There's no trail here."_

_Though Leo would've preferred to stay in cover of the trees, he followed his friends into the clearing. They searched for table tracks, but as they made their way to the pile of boulders they found nothing. Leo pulled a watch from his tool belt and strapped it to his wrist. Roughly forty minutes until the big_ _**ka-boom.**_

"I hate time limits," I said.

"Me too," Piper said.

_"If I had more time," he said. "I could make a tracking device, but-"_

_"Does Buford have a round tabletop?" Piper interrupted. "With little steam vents sticking up on one side?"_

_Leo started at her. "How did you know?"_

_"Because he's right over there." She pointed._

"You found him?" I asked surprised.

_Sure enough, Buford was waddling toward the far end of the clearing, steam puffing from is vents. As they watched, he disappeared into the trees._

_"That was easy." Jason started to follow, but Leo held him back._

_The hairs of the back of Leo's neck stood up. He wasn't sure why. Then he realized he could hear voices from the woods on their left. "Someone's coming!"_

"Who was it?" I asked.

"You'll see." Jason just kept on reading.

_He pulled his friends behind the boulders._

_Jason whispered, "Leo-"_

_"Shh!"_

"That was kind of rude," Jason said.

"It saved your life didn't it?" Leo asked.

"I guess so," Jason admitted. "But it was still rude."

"Whatever."

_A dozen barefoot girls skipped into the clearing. They were teenagers with tunic-style dresses of loose purple and red silk. Their hair was tangled with leaves, and most wore laurel wreaths. Some carried strange staffs that looked like torches. The girls laughed and swung each other around, tumbling in the grass and spinning like they were dizzy. They were all really gorgeous, but Leo wasn't tempted to flirt._

"Wow, Leo," Piper said. "That's a first."

"Shut up," Leo grumbled.

"What did you say?" Piper asked innocently.

"Nothing!"

"Good."

_Piper sighed. "They're just nymphs, Leo."_

_Leo gestured frantically at her to stay down. He whispered, "Crazy cousins!"_

_Piper's eyes widened._

_As the nymphs got closer, Leo started to notice odd details about them. Their staffs weren't torches. They were twisted wooden branches, each topped with a giant pinecone, and some were wrapped with living snakes. The girls' laurel wreaths weren't wreaths, either. Their hair was braided with tiny vipers. the girls smiled and laughed and sang in Ancient Greek as they stumbled around the glade. They appeared to bo having a great time, but their voices were tinged with a sort of wild ferocity. If leopards could sing, Leo thought they would sound like this._

My eyes widened with each detail.

"Annabeth?" Leo said tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"You're eyes are like an owl's right now."

"Oh."

_"Are they drunk?" Jason whispered._

_Leo frowned. The girls **did **act like that, but he thought there was something else going on. He was glad the nymphs hadn't seen them yet._

_Then things got complicated. In the woods to their right, something roared. The trees rustled, and a drakon burst into the clearing, looking sleey and irritated, as if the nymphs' singing had woken it up._

"We have drakons in the woods?" I asked surprised.

Jason shrugged. "Guess so."

_Leo had seen plenty of monsters in the woods. The camp intentionally stocked them as a challenge to campers. But this was bigger and scarier than most._

_The drakon was about the size of a subway car. It had no wings, but it's mouth bristled with daggerlike teeth. Flames curled from his nostrils. Silvery scales covered its body like polished chain mail. When the drakon saw the nymphs, it roared again and shot flames into the sky._

"It's not the biggest one I've seen," I said.

They looked shocked.

_The girls didn't seem to notice. They kept doing cartwheels and laughing and playfully pushing each other around._

_"We've got to help them," Piper whispered. "They'll be killed!"_

_"Hold on," Leo said._

_"Leo," Jason chided. "We're heroes. We can't let innocent girls-"_

_"Just chill!" Leo insisted. Something bothered him about these girls - a story he only half remembered. As counselor for Hephaestus cabin, Leo made it his business to read up on magic items, just in case he needed to build them someday. He was sure he'd read something about pinecone staffs wrapped in snakes. "Watch."_

_Finally one of the girls noticed the drakon._

"How did they just now notice?" I asked amazed.

"I have no clue," Leo answered truthfully.

_She squealed in delight, as if she'd spotted a cute puppy. She skipped toward the monster and the other girls followed, singing and laughing, which seemed to confuse the drakon. It probably wasn't used to its prey being so cheerful._

_A nymph in a blood-red dress did a cartwheel and landed in front of the drakon. "Are you Dionysus?" she asked hopefully._

I was confused. "What?"

Jason kept reading.

_It seemed like a stupid question. True, Leo had never met Dionysus, but he was pretty sure the god of wine wasn't a fire-breathing drakon._

"You should be glad you haven't met him," I said.

"Why?" Leo asked.

"Lets just say he likes to make us as miserable as possible," I answered.

"Oh."

_The monster blasted fire at the girl's feet. She simply danced out of the kill zone. The drakon lunged and caught her arm in its jaws. Leo winced, sure the nymph's arm would be amputated right before his eyes, but she yanked it free, along with several broken teeth. Her arm was perfectly fine. the drakon made a sound somewhere between a growl and a whimper._

_"Naughty!" the girl scolded. Sh turned to her cheerful friends. "Not Dionysus! He must join our party!"_

_A dozen nymphs squealed in delight and surrounded the monster._

_Piper caught her breath. "What are they - oh, gods. No!"_

"What happened?" I asked.

Piper looked queasy. "You don't want to know."

_Leo didn't usually feel sorry for monsters, but what happened next was truly horrifying. The girls threw themselves at the drakon. Their cheerful laughter turned into vicious snarling. They attacked with their pinecone staffs, with fingernails that turned into long white talons, with teeth that elongated into wolfish fangs._

_The monster blew fire and stumbles, trying to get away, but the teenage girls were too much for him. The nymphs ripped and tore until the drakon slowly crumbled into power, its spirit returning to Tartarus._

I stared at the book, shocked.

_Jason made a gulping sound. Leo had seen his friend in all sorts of dangerous situations, but he'd never seen Jason look quite so pale. Piper was shielding her eyes, muttering, "Oh, gods. Oh, gods."_

"I can completely imagine what you're feeling," I said.

_Leo tried to keep his own voice from trembling. "I read about these nymphs. They're followers of Dionysus. I forgot what they're called-"_

_"Maenads." Piper shivered. "I've heard of them. I thought they only existed in ancient_ _times._

"Well," I said. "You should that know by now."

"I know," Piper admitted. "I was just shocked."

_They attended Dionysus's parties, When they got too exited..."_

Everyone shivered from the thought.

_She pointed toward the clearing. She didn't need to say more. Brooke the naiad had warned them. Her crazy cousins ripped their victims to pieces._

_"We have to get out of here," Jason said._

"Way to state the obvious, Captain Obvious," Leo said.

"Someone had to say something," Jason said defensively.

_"But they're between us and Buford!" Leo whispered. "And we've only got-" He checked his watch. "Thirty minutes to get the syncopater installed!"_

_"Maybe I can fly us over to Buford." Jason shut his eyes tight._

_Leo knew Jason had controlled the wind before - just one of the advantages of being the uber-cool son of Zeus - but this time, nothing happened._

"That really stinks," I said.

"Yeah," Piper agreed. "We had to go through all that trouble and see the crazy nymphs instead."

_Leo glanced back the way they'd come. "We'll have to retreat to the woods. If we can skirt around the Maenads-"_

_"Guys," Piper squeaked in alarm._

_Leo looked up. He hadn't noticed the Maenads approaching, climbing the rocks with absolute silence even creepier than their laughter. They peered down from the tops of the boulders, smiling prettily, their fingernails and teeth back to normal. Vipers coiled through their hair._

_"Hello!" The girl in the blood-red dress beamed at Leo. "Are you Dionysus?"_

_There was only one answer to that._

"What was it?" I asked.

_"Yes!"_

"Yes?" I was confused.

_He got to his feet and tried to match the girl's smile._

_The nymph clapped her hands in delight. "Wonderful! My lord Dionysus? Really?"_

_Jason and Piper rose, weapons ready, but Leo hoped it didn't come to a fight. He'd seen how fast these nymphs could move. If they decided to go into food-processor mode, Leo doubted he and his friends would stand a chance._

_The Maenads giggled and danced and pushed each other around. Several fell off the rocks and landed hard on the ground. That didn't seem to bother them. They just got up and kept frolicking._

I shivered. "These nymphs are crazy."

_Piper nudged Leo in the ribs. "Um, Lord Dionysus, what are you doing?"_

"Good question," I said.

_"Everything's cool." Leo looked at his friends like, **Everything's really, really not cool.** "The Maenads are my attendants. I love these guys."_

_The Maenads cheered and twirled around him. Several produced goblets from thin air and began to chug...whatever was inside._

_The girl in red looked uncertainly at Piper and Jason. "Lord Dionysus, are these to sacrifices for the party? Should we rip them to pieces?"_

"Um," Jason said. "No thanks."

_"No, no!" Leo said. "Great offer, but, um, you know, maybe we should start small. With, like, introductions."_

_The girl narrowed her eyes. "Surely you remember me, my lord. I am Babette."_

_"Um, right!" Leo said. "Babette! Of course"_

_"And these are Buffy, Muffy, Bambi, Candy-" Babette rattled off a bunch more names that all kind of blended together. Leo glanced at Piper, wondering if this was some sort of Aphrodite joke. These nymphs could've totally fit in with Piper's cabin. But Piper looked like she was trying not to scream. That might've been because two of the Maenads were running their hands over Jason's shoulders and giggling._

"That's a fair reason," I said.

"Um..." Leo was confused. "What?"

"Never mind," Piper said. "It's girl stuff."

_Babette stepped closer to Leo. She smelled like pine needles. Her curly dark hair spilled over her shoulders and freckles splashed across her nose. A wreath of coral snakes writhed across her forehead._

_Nature spirits usually had a greenish tinge to their skin from chlorophyll, but these Maenads looked like their blood was cherry Kool-Aid. Their eyes were severely bloodshot. Their lips were redder than normal. Their skin was webbed with bright capillaries._

I shuddered. "That's creepy."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

_"An interesting form you've taken, my lord." Babette inspected Leo's face and hair. "Youthful. Cute, I suppose. Yet...somewhat scrawny and short."_

_"Scrawny and short?" Leo bit back a few choice replies. "Well, you know. I was going for **cute,** mostly."_

_The other Maenads circles Leo, smiling and humming. Under normal circumstances, being surrounded by hot girls would've been _**_totally _**_okay with Leo, but not this time. He couldn't forget how the Maenads' teeth and nails had grown just before they tore the drakon to shreds._

There was a moment of silence...

_"So, my lord." Babette ran her fingers down Leo's arm. "Where have you been? We've searched for so long!"_

_"Where have I-?" Leo thought furiously. He knew Dionysus used to work as the director of Camp Half-Blood before Leo's time. Then the god had been recalled to Mount Olympus to help deal with the giants. But where did Dionysus hang out these days? Leo had no idea. "Oh, you know. I've been doing, um, wine stuff. Yeah. Red wine. White wine. All those other kinds of wine. Love that wine. I've been so busy working-"_

"Leo! Are you crazy!" I shouted.

"Yes," Leo said glumly. "Haven't we already taken care of that fact?"

I was silent.

Leo smiled smugly. "Gotcha!"

_"Work!" Muffy the Maenad shrieked, pressing her hands over her ears._

_"Work!" Buffy wiper her tongue as if trying to scrub away the horrible word._

"It's not a horrible word!" I said, horrified.

"Relax," Piper said soothingly. "They're all crazy."

"I agree with the Maenads about that," Leo whispered to Jason.

Jason laughed.

"What?" Piper asked.

"Nothing."

_The other Maenads dropped their goblets and ran in circles, yelling "Work! Sacrilege! Kill work!"_

"How do you kill work?" Jason asked confused.

I shrugged. "No idea."

_Some began to grow long claws. Others slammed their heads against the boulders, which seemed to hurt the boulders more than their heads._

Piper looked scared and amazed at the same time. "They really hate work."

Leo snorted. "Ya think?"

_"He means partying!" Piper shouted. "Partying! Lord Dionysus had been busy partying all over the world."_

"Nice save," I said.

"Thanks."

_Slowly, the Maenads began to calm down._

_"Party?" Bambi asked cautiously._

_"Party!" Candy sighed with relief._

_"Yeah!" Leo wiped the sweat off his hands. He shot Piper a grateful look. "Ha-ha. Partying. Right. I've been **so **busy partying."_

_Babette kept smiling, but not in such a friendly way. She fixed her gaze on Piper. "Who's this one, my lor? A recruit for the Maenads, perhaps?"_

Piper looked sick. "No thanks. I'm good."

_"Oh," Leo said. "She's my, uh, party planner."_

_"Party!" yelled another Maenad, possibly Trixie._

_"What a shame." Babette's fingernails began to grow. "We can't allow mortals to witness our sacred revels."_

_"But I **could **be a recruit!" Piper said quickly. "Do you guys have a website? Or a list of requirements? Er, do you have to be drunk all the time?"_

_"Drunk!" Babette said. "Don't be silly. We're underage Maenads. We haven't graduated to wine yet. What would our parents think?"_

"They have **parents**?!" I exclaimed.

Jason stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny, Grace?" I asked.

He kept reading.

_"You have **parents**!" Jason shrugged the Maenads' hands off his shoulders._

Jason, Leo, and Piper started cracking up.

"Okay!" I said. "I get the point!"

**Five minutes later...**

"Stop!" I shouted.

They stopped.

"Read."

Jason started reading again.

_"Not drunk!" Candy yelled. She turned in a dizzy circle and fell down, spilling white frothy liquid from her goblet._

_Jason cleared his throat. "So...what are you guys drinking if it isn't wine?"_

_Babette laughed. "The beverage of the season! Behold that power of the thyrsus rod!"_

_She slammed her pinecone staff against the ground and a white geyster bubbled up. "Eggnog!"_

I gagged a little. "Eggnog?"

"Yup." Now Jason and Leo looked sick too.

_Maenads rushed forward to fill their goblets._

_"Merry Christmas!" one yelled._

_"Party!" another said._

_"Kill everything!" said a third._

"Well..." Piper said hesitantly. "At least they said Merry Christmas."

"And they said to kill everything," Jason pointed out.

"True."

_Piper took a step back. "You're...drunk on eggnog?"_

_"Whee!" Buffy sloshed her eggnog and gave Leo a frothy grin. "Kill things! With a sprinkle of nutmeg!"_

_Leo decided never to drink eggnog again._

As did Jason, Piper, and I.

_"But enough talk, my lord," Babette said. "You've been naughty, keeping yourself hidden! You changed your e-mail and phone number. One might think the great Dionysus was trying to avoid his Maenads!"_

"I wonder why?" I said sarcastically.

_Jason removed another girl's hands from his shoulders. "Can't imagine why the great Dionysus would do that."_

_Babette sized up Jason. "This one is a sacrifice, obviously. We should start the festivities by ripping him apart. The party planner girl can prove herself by helping_ _us!"_

"I don't think my girlfriend would want to do that," Jason said. "That would be rude."

"It's creepy that they can talk about killing people so casually," said Piper. "And why would I want to tear you apart?"

"Good point."

_"Or," Leo said," we could start with some appetizers. Crisly Cheese 'n' Wieners. Taquitos. Maybe some chips and queso. And...wait, I know! We need a table to put them on."_

"That's a surprisingly good idea, Leo," I said.

"Thank you."

"That is," I continued, "if it works."

Leo pouted.

_Babette's smile wavered. The snakes hissed around her pinecone staff. "A table?"_

_"Cheese 'n' Wieners?" Trixie added hopefully._

_"Yeah, a table!" Leo snapped his fingers and pointed toward the end of the clearing. "You know what - I think I saw one walking that way. Why don't you guys wait here, and drink some eggnog or whatever, and my friends and I will go get the table. We'll be right back!"_

_He started to leave, but two of the Maenads pushed him back. The push didn't seem exactly playful._

"That's not good," I said nervously.

_Babette's eyes turned an even deeper red. "Why is my Lord Dionysus so interested in furniture? Where is your leopard? And your wine cup?"_

_Leo gulped. "Yeah. Wine cup. Silly me." He reached into his tool bag. He prayed it would produce a wine cup for him, but that wasn't exactly a tool. He grabbed something, pulled it out, and found himself holding a lug wrench._

_"Hey, look at that," he said weakly. "There's some godly magic right here, huh? What's a party without...a lug wrench?"_

_The Maenads started at him. Some frowned. Others were cross-eyed from the eggnog._

_Jason stepped to his side. "Hey, um, Dionysus...maybe we should talk. Like, in private. You know...about party stuff."_

_"We'll be right back!" Piper announced. "Just wait here, you guys. Okay?"_

_Her voice was almost electric with charmspeak, but the Maenads didn't appear moved._

"You guys get into the weirdest situations," I announced.

"Well," Leo said. "So do you."

"Touche."

_"No, you will stay." Babette's eyes bored into Leo's. "You do not act like Dionysus. Those who fail to honor the god, those w ho **dare **to work instead of partying - they must be ripped apart. And anyone who dares to impersonate the god, he must die even more painfully."_

_"Wine!" Leo yelped. "Did I mention how much I love wine?"_

"You guys are really desperate right now," I said.

"We didn't want to **die**!" Jason said.

"I know."

_Babette didn't look convinced. "If you are the god of parties, you will know the order of our revelries. Prove it! Lead us!"_

_Leo felt trapped. He'd once been stuck in a cave on top of Pikes Peak, surrounded by a pack of werewolves. Another time he'd been stuck in an abandoned factory with a family of evil Cyclopes. But this - standing in an open clearing with a dozen party girls - was **much**__worse._

"Um..." I trailed off. "When was this?"

"The quest that we had," Piper answered. "It was pretty crazy."

"And dangerous," Jason agreed.

"At least we had Festus for most of the trip!" Leo added. "We wouldn't want to walk all that way."

_"Sure!" His voice squeaked. "Revelries. So we start with the Hokey Pokey-"_

"The Hokey Pokey?"

_Trixie snarled. "No, my lord. The Hokey Pokey is **second**."_

I was wondering why these bloodthirsty nymphs liked the Hokey Pokey.

_"Right," Leo said. "First is the limbo contest, **then **the Hokey Pokey. Then, um, pin the tail on the donkey-"_

_"Wrong!" Babette's eyes turned completely red. The Kool-Aid darkened in her veins, making a web of red lines like ivy under her skin. "Last chance, and I'll even give you a hint. We begin by singing the Bacchanalian Jingle. You **do **remember it, don't you?"_

"The Bacchanalian Jingle?" I asked.

"No idea what that is, just so you know," Leo said.

_Leo's tongue felt like sandpaper._

_Piper put her hand on his arm. "Of course he remembers it." Her eyes said, **Run**._

_Jason's knuckles turned white on the hilt of his sword._

_Leo hated singing. He cleared his throat and started warbling the first thing that came into his head - something he'd watched online while he worked on the **Argo II**._

_After a few lines, Candy hissed. "That's not the Bacchanalian Jingle! That's the these song for_ **_Psych_**_!"_

"So let me get this straight," I started slowly. "You were warbling the theme song for **Psych **because you watched it while you were building the Argo II."

"Pretty much," Leo admitted.

"Okay..."

_"Kill the unbelievers!" Babette screamed._

_Leo knew an exit cue when he heard one._

_He pulled a reliable trick. From his tool belt, he grabbed a flask of oil and splshed it in an arc in front of him, dousing the Maenads. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but he reminded himself these girls weren't human. They were nature spirits bent on ripping him apart. He summoned fire into his hands and set the oil ablaze. A wall of flames engulfed the nymphs. Jason and Piper did a one-eighty and ran. Leo was right behind them._

_He expected to hear screaming from the Maenads. Instead, he heard laughter._

"Wait, what?" I asked.

_He glanced back and saw the Maenads dancing through the flames in their bare feet. Their dresses were smoldering, but the Maenads didn't seem to care. They leaped through the fire like they were playing in a sprinkler._

_"Thank you, unbeliever!" Babette laughed. "Our frenzy makes us immune to fire, but it does tickle! Trixie, send the unbelievers a thank-you gift!" Trixie skipped over to the pile of boulders. She grasped a rock the size of a refrigerator and lifted it over her head._

_"Run!" Piper said._

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I said sarcastically.

"She was holding a giant boulder!" Piper said defensively.

"I know."

_"We **are **running!" Jason picked up the speed._

_"Run better!" Leo shouted._

_They reached the edge of the clearing when a shadow passed overhead._

_"Veer left!" Leo yelled._

_They dove into the trees as the boulder slammed next to them with a jaw-rattling **thud**, missing Leo by a few inches. They skidded down a ravine until Leo lost his footing. He plowed into Jason and Piper so they ended up rolling downhill like a demigod snowball. They crashed into Brooke's stream at the bottom, helped each other up, and stumbled deeper into the woods. Behind them, Leo heard the Maenads laughing and shouting, urging Leo to come back so they could rip him to shreds._

_For some reason, Leo wasn't tempted._

"Oh I don't know why," I said sarcastically. "Maybe because they wanted to kill you!"

"Thanks for the comment," Leo said.

_Jason pulled them behind a massive oak tree, where they stood gasping for breath. Piper's elbow was scraped up pretty badly. Jason's left pants leg had ripped almost completely off, so it looked like his leg was wearing a denim cape. Somehow, they'd all made it down the hill without killing themsleves with their own weapons, which was a miracle._

_"How do we beat them?" Jason demanded. "They're immune to fire. They're superstrong."_

_"We can't kill them," Piper said._

_"There has to be a way," Leo said._

_"No. We **can't **kill them," Piper said. "Anyone who kills a Maenad is cursed my Dionysus. Haven't you read the old stories? People who kill his followers go crazy or get morphed into animals or...well, bad stuff."_

_"Worse than letting the Maenads rip us to shreds?" Jason asked._

_Piper didn't answer. Her face was so clammy, Leo decided not to ask for details._

"I'm not sure if it's any better," I said. "It's actually a bit better to die than to face a god's wrath."

"Good point," Leo said. "Now let's hope we never have to do that."

_"That's just great," Jason said. "So we have to stop them without killing them. Anyone got a really big piece of flypaper?"_

_"We're outnumbered four to one," Piper said. "Plus..." She grabbed Leo's wrist and checked his watch. "We have twenty minutes until Bunker Nine explodes."_

_"It's impossible," Jason summed up._

"Jason," Piper scolded. "Nothing is impossible in the demigod world."

"Well..." Jason paused, thinking. "You can't, um, or, um no..."

Leo smirked. "I guess that's true," Jason admitted.

_"We're dead," Piper agreed._

_But Leo's mind was spinning into overdrive. He did his best work when things were impossible._

_Stopping the Maenads without killing them...Bunker 9...**flypaper**. An idea came together like one of his crazy contraptions, all the gears and pistons clicking into place perfectly._

_"I've got it," he said. "Jason, you'll have to find Buford. You know which way he went. Circle back and find him, then bring him to the bunkerr, quick! Once you're far enough from the Maenads, maybe you can control the winds again. Then you can fly."_

_Jason frowned. "What about you two?"_

_"We're going to lead the Maenads out of your way." Leo said, "straight to Bunker Nine."_

_Piper coughed. "Excuse me, but isn't Bunker Nine about to **explode**?"_

_"Yes, but if I can get the Maenads inside, I have a way to take care of them."_

_Jason looked skeptical. "Even if you can, I'll still have to find Buford and get the syncopater back to you in twenty minutes, or you, Piper, and a dozen crazy nymphs will blow up."_

"So positive!" Leo said. "You really believe in me!"

"I just didn't want you two to blow up!" Jason said defensively.

"That's a really good thing," Leo said. "Saving us is a really big matter."

_"Trust me," Leo said. "And it's nineteen minutes now."_

_"I love this plan." Piper leaned over and kissed Jason._

Jason blushed.

_"In case I explode. Please hurry."_

_Jason didn't respond. He bolted into the woods._

"What?" I asked. "No goodbye?"

"I was worried!" Jason kept defending himself. "I didn't want the woods to explode!"

_"Come on," Leo told Piper. "Let's invite the Maenads over to my place."_

_Leo played games in the woods before - mostly capture-the-flag - but even Camp Half-Blood's full combat version wasn't nearly as dangerous as running from Maenads. Piper and he retraced their steps in the fading sunlight. Their breath steamed. Occastionally Leo would shout, "Party over here!" to let the Maenads know where they were. It was tricky, because Leo had to stay far enough ahead to avoid getting caught, but close enough so the Maenads wouldn't lose their trail._

"This isn't the first time there was a crazy adventure in the woods," I muttered.

"What?" Piper asked, overhearing what I said.

"Nothing."

"Tell us," Piper begged. "Please?"

"It's a long story," I sighed. "Too long, probably longer than this one."

"Please?" Piper, Leo, and Jason asked.

"Fine," I admitted defeat. "Basically your metal dragon Festus was unburied from somewhere. The ants found it, dragged the head all the way to their anthill, and almost made it. Sadly for them, we were playing capture-the-flag and Percy and Beckendorf, a son of Hephaestus, were trying to get to our flag. Me and Silena, a daughter of Aphrodite, caught Percy and then found out we were at the anthill. Beckendorf, knowing the old legends about the dragon, had run down to rescue the dragon head. He was captured and I had the idea to restore the dragon. So, we dragged the dragon head back to the body, I reattached it, and the dragon woke up. We led the dragon to the anthill and rescued Beckendorf from becoming ant food. The dragon almost got overwhelmed and Silena begged Beckendorf to save it so he activated the dragon's defense mode. The dragon then tried to kill us so we ran away. Beckendorf then had this idea to deactivate the dragon and so we distracted it. Percy almost got his head bit off from cutting off his toe and standing in front of it. We deactivated the dragon and headed back to the game. Somehow, the game was still on so we took the boys as prisoner and won the game."

They were staring at me in shock.

"Hello?" I waved my hand in front of their faces. "Anyone home?"

Jason snapped out of it and started reading again.

_Occasionally he heard startled cries as the Maenads happened across some unfortunate monster or nature spirit. Once a blood-chilling shriek pierced the air, followed by a sound like a tree getting destroyed by an army of savage chipmunks. Leo was so scared that he could hardly keep his feet moving. He figured some poor dryad had gotten her life source shredded to splinters. Leo knew nature spirits got reincarnated, but that death cry was still the most awful thing he'd ever heard._

_"Unbelievers!" Babette shouted through the woods. "Come celebrate with us!"_

_She sounded much closer now. Leo's instincts told him to just keep running. Forget Bunker 9. Maybe he and Piper could make it to the edge of the blast zone._

_And then what...leave Jason to die?_

Jason shuddered. "I'm glad you didn't go with your instincts."

_Let the Maenads blow up so Leo could suffer the curse of Dionysus? And would the explosion even **kill **the Maenads? Leo had no idea. What if the Maenads survived and kept searching for Dionysus? Eventually they'd stumbled across the cabins and the other campers. No, that wasn't an option. Leo had to protect his friends. He could still save the **Argo II**._

_"Over here!" he yelled. "Party at my house!"_

_He grabbed Piper's wrist and sprinted for the bunker._

_He could hear the Maenads closing fast - bare feet running across the grass, branches snapping, eggnog goblets shattering against rocks._

_"Almost there." Piper pointed through the woods. A hundred yards ahead rose a sheer limestone cliff that marked the entrance to Bunker 9._

_Leo's heart felt like a combustion chamber going critical, but they made it to the cliff. He slapped his hand against the limestone. Fiery lines burned across the cliff face, slowly forming the outline of a massive door._

_"Come on! Come on!" Leo urged._

Silently, I was doing it too.

_He made the mistake of glancing back. Only a stone's throw away, the first Maenad appeared out of the woods. Her eyes were pure red. She grinned with a mouth full of fangs, then slashed her talon fingernails at the nearest tree and sliced it in half. Little tornadoes of leaves swirled around her as if the even the air were going crazy._

_"Come, Demigod!" she called. "Join me in the revels!"_

_Leo knew it was insane, but her words buzzed in his ears. Part of him wanted to run toward her._

**_Woa,_**_ boy, he told himself. **Golden rule for Demigods: Thou shalt not Hokey Pokey with psychos**._

_Still, he took a step toward the Maenad._

"Are you crazy?" Jason asked.

"It wasn't really my fault!" Leo said in his defense.

_"Stop, Leo." Piper's charkspeak saved him, freezing him in place. "It's the madness of Dionysus affecting you. You **don't **want to die."_

"Who would?" I asked.

No one answered.

_He took a shaky breath. "Yeah. They're getting stronger. We've got to hurry."_

_Finally the Bunker doors opened. The Maenad snarled. Her friends emerged from the woods, and together they charged._

_"Turn around!" Piper called to them in her most persuasive voice. "We're fifty yards behind you!"_

_It was a ridiculous suggestion, but the charmspeak momentarily worked. The Maenads turned and ran back the way they'd come, then stumbled to a halt, looking confused._

_Leo and Piper ducked inside the bunker._

_"Close the door?" Piper asked._

_"No!" Leo said. "We want them inside."_

"You **want **them to come in?" I asked, surprised.

"You'll see." That's all Leo said when Jason started reading again.

_"We **do**? What's the plan?"_

_"Plan." Leo tried to shake the fogginess from his brain._

_They had thirty seconds, tops, before the Maenads poured in. The **Argo II's** engine would explode in - he checked his watch - oh, gods, twelve minutes?_

"Talk about a time limit," I said under my breath.

_"What can I do?" Piper asked. "Come on, Leo."_

_His mind began to clear. This was **his **territory. He couldn't let the Maenads win._

_From the nearest worktable, Leo snatched a bronze control box with a singe red button. He handed it to Piper. "I need two minutes. Climb the catwalks. Distract the Maenads like you did outside, okay? When I shout the order, wherever you are, push that button. But **not **before I say."_

_"What does it do?" Piper asked._

_"Nothing yet. I have to set a trap."_

_"Two minutes." Piper nodded grimly. "You got it."_

_She ran to the nearest ladder and began to climb while Leo raced off down the aisles, snatching things from tool chests and supply cabinets. He grabbed machine parts and wires. He threw switches and activated time-delay sensors on the bunker's interior control panels. He didn't think more than a pianist thinks about where his fingers are landing on the keyboard. He just flew through the bunker, bringing all the pieces together._

"Cool," Jason said.

I had to agree, it was pretty cool.

_He heard the Maenads rushing into the bunker. For a moment, they stopped in amazement, oohing and ahhing at the vast cavern full of shiny stuff._

_"Where are you?" Babette called. "My fake lord Dionysus! Party with us!"_

_Leo tried to shut out her voice. Then he heard Piper, somewhere in the catwalks above, call out: "How about we square dance? Turn to the left "_

_The Maenads shrieked in confusion._

_"Grab a partner!" Piper shouted. "Swing her around!"_

"Nice distraction," I said approvingly.

"Thanks." Piper smiled.

_More cries and shrieking and a few **CLANGS **as some of the Maenads apparently swung each other around into heavy metal objects._

_"Stop it!" Babette yelled. "Do not grab a partner! Grab that Demigod!"_

_Piper shouted a few more commands, but she seemed to be losing her sway._

_Leo heard feet banging on the rungs of ladders._

_"Oh, Leo?" Piper yelled. "Has it been two minutes?"_

_"Just a sec!" Leo found the last thing he needed - a quilt-sized stack of shimmering golden fabric. He fed the metallic cloth into the nearest pnumatic tube and pulled the lever. Done - assuming the plan worked._

"What's the plan?" Jason asked confused.

"You'll see," Leo said. Again.

_He ran to the middle of the bunker, right in front of the **Argo II**, ad yelled, "Hey! Here I am!"_

_He held out his arms and grinned. "Come on! Party with me!"_

_He glanced at the counter on the ship's engine. Six and a half more minutes left. He wished he hadn't looked._

_The Maenads climbed down from the ladders and began circling him warily. Leo danced and sang random television songs, hoping it would make them hesitate. He needed all the Maenads together before he sprung the trap._

_"Sing along!" he said._

"Leo. You must be asking to die right now," I said. "Because they will probably want to kill you even more now."

_The Maenads snarled. Their blood-red eyes looked angry and annoyed. Their wreaths of snakes hissed. Their thyrsus rods glowed with purple fire._

_Babette was the last to join the party. When she saw Leo alone, unarmed and dancing, she laughed with delight._

_"You are wise to accept your fate," she said. "The **real **Dionysus would be pleased."_

_"Yeah, about that," Leo said. "I think there's a reason he changed his number. You guys aren't followers. You're crazy rabid stalkers. You haven't found him because he doesn't **want **you to."_

_"Lies!" Babette said. "We are the spirits of the wine god! He is proud of us!"_

"I don't think **anyone **could be proud of them," I said.

"They're children only parents could love," Leo agreed.

_"Sure," Leo said. "I've got some crazy relatives too. I don't blame Mr. D."_

_"Kill him!" Babette shrieked._

_"Wait!" Leo held up his hands. "You can kill me, but you want this to be a **real **party, don't you?_

_As he hoped, the Maenads_ _wavered._

My brain started working out the plan, then I realized what it was. Clever.

_"Party?" asked Candy._

_"Party?" asked Buffy._

_"Oh, yeah!" Leo looked up and shouted to the catwalks: "Piper? It's time to crank things up!"_

_For three incredibly long seconds, nothing happened. Leo just stood there grinning at a dozed frenzied nymphs who wanted to dice him into bite-sized demigod cubes._

_Then the whole bunker whirred to life. All around the Maenads, pipes rose from the floor and blew purple steam. The pnumatic tube system spit out metal shavings like glittered confetti. The magic banner above them shimmered and changed to read WELCOME, PSYCHO NYMPHS!_

"I'm not sure if they liked the psycho nymphs part, but the rest is really good," I said.

"Thanks." Leo smiled. "I appreciate the appreciation."

_Music blared from the sound system - the Rolling Stones, Leo's mom's favorite band. He liked to listen to them while he worked, because it reminded him of the good old days when he hung out in his mom's shop._

Leo smiled at the good memories this brought up.

_Then the winch system swung into place, and a mirrored ball began to descend right over Leo's head._

_On the catwalk above, Piper stared down at the chaos she'd wrought with the push of a button, and her jaw dropped. Even the Maenads looked impressed by Leo's instant party._

_Given a few more minutes, Leo could've done much better - a laser show, pyrotechnics, maybe some appetizers and a drink machine. But for two minutes' work, it wan't so bad. A few Maenads began to square dance. One began to Hokey Pokey._

_Only Babette looked unaffected. "What trick is this?" she demanded. "You do not party for Dionysus!"_

_"Oh, no?" Leo glanced up. The mirrored ball was almost within reach. "You haven't seen my final trick."_

_The ball opened up. A grappling hook swung down, and Leo jumped for it._

"Nice escape," I said, impressed.

"It was a cool idea, wasn't it?" Leo asked.

"Yeah," Piper and Jason said. Then they blushed.

_"Get him!" Babette yelled. "Maenads, attack!"_

_Thankfully, she had trouble getting their attention. Piper started calling down square dancing instructions again, confusing them with odd commands. "Turn left, turn right, bonk your heads! Sit down, stand up, fall down dead!"_

"Those are weird commands," Jason said.

"What would happen if there was a real square dance with these commands?" Leo wondered.

"That would be kind of crazy," Piper said.

_The pully lifted Leo into the air as the Maenads swarmed beneath him, gathering in a nice compact cluster. Babette leaped at him. Her claws just missed his feet._

_"Now!" he muttered to himself, praying that his timer was set accurately._

_BLAM! The nearest pnumatic tube shot a curtain of golden mesh over the Maenads, covering them like a parachute. A perfect_ _shot._

"I was wondering how you got them into the cage," Jason told Leo. "And now I know."

_The Maenads struggled against the net. They tried pushing it off, cutting the ropes with their teeth and fingernails, but as they punched and kicked and struggled, the net simply changed shape, hardening into a cubical cage of glittered gold._

_Leo grinned. "Piper, hit the button again!"_

_She did. The music died. The party ended._

Leo grinned crazily. "We should do that again! The party part. Not, you know, the crazy nymphs part."

_Leo dropped from the hook onto the top of his newly made cage. He stomped on the roof, just to be sure, but it felt as hard a titanium._

_"Let us out!" Babette shrieked. "What evil magic is this?"_

_She slammed against the woven bars, but even her superstrength was no match for the golden material. The other Maenads hissed and screamed and banged on the cage with their thrysus rods._

_Leo jumped to the ground. "This is **my **party now, ladies. That cage is made from Hephaestian netting, a little recepie my dad cooked up. Maybe you've heard the story. He caught his wife Aphrodite cheating on him with Ares, so Hephaestus threw a golden net over them and put them on display. They stayed trapped until my dad decided to let them out. That netting right there? That's made from the same stuff. If two gods couldn't escape it, you don't stand a chance."_

"That's pretty smart," I had to admit.

"Thanks," Leo grinned again.

_Leo seriously hoped he was right about that. the furious Maenads raged around their prison, climbing over each other and trying to rip through the mesh with no success._

_Piper slid down the ladder and joined them. "Leo, you are **amazing****."**_

Jason pouted.

"Aww, jealous?" Leo teased.

"No..." Jason turned away a little.

_"I know that." He looked at the digital display next to the ship's engine. His heart sank. "For about two more minutes. Then I_ _stop being amazing."_

_"Oh, no." Piper's face fell. "We need to get out of here!"_

_Suddenly Leo heard a familiar sound from the bunker entrance: a puff of steam, the creak of gears, and the **clink-clank **of metal legs running across the floor._

_"Buford!" Leo called. The automated table chuffed towards him, whirring and clacking it's drawers._

_Jason walked in behind him, grinning. "Waiting for us?"_

Piper nudged him. "Great timing, Sparky."

Jason grinned.

_Leo hugged the little worktable. "I'm so sorry, Buford. I promise I'll never take you for granted again. **Only **Lemon Pledge with extra-moisturizing formula, my friend. Anytime you want it!"_

_Buford puffed steam happily._

_"Um, Leo?" Piper urged. "The explosion?"_

_"Right!" Leo opened Buford's front drawer and grabbed the syncopator. He ran to the combustion chamber. Twenty-three seconds. Oh, good. No rush._

"Love the sarcasm here," I said, sarcastically. "Twenty-three seconds **definitely **isn't much of a rush."

_He would only get one chance to get it right. Leo carefully fitted the syncopator into place. He closed the combustion chamber and held his breath. the engine started to hum. The glass cylinders glowed with heat. If Leo hadn't been immune to fire, he was pretty sure he would have gotten a nasty sunburn._

_The ship's hull shuddered. The whole bunker seemed to tremble._

_"Leo?" Jason asked tightly._

_"Hold on," Leo said._

_"Let us out!" Babette screeched in her golden cage. "If you destroy us, Dionysus will make you suffer!"_

_"He'll probably send us a thank-you card," Piper grumbled. "But it won't matter. We'll all be dead."_

_The combustion chamber opened its various chambers with a **click, click, click**. Superdangerous liquids and gasses flowed into the syncopator. The engine shuddered. Then the heat subsided, and the shaking calmed down to a comfortable puff._

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding. "Wow. Lot of suspense."

_Leo put his hand on the hull, now thrumming with magical energy. Buford snuggled affectionately against his leg and puffed steam._

_"That's right, Buford." Leo turned proudly to his friends. "That's the sound of an engine **not  
**exploding."_

_Leo didn't realize ow stressed he'd been until he passed out._

_When he woke up, he was lying on a cot near the **Argo II. **The entire Hephaestus cabin was there. They'd gotten the engine levels stabilized and were all expressing their amazement at Leo's genius._

_Once back on his feet, Jason and Piper pulled him aside and promised they hadn't told anyone just how close the ship had come to exploding. No one would ever know about the huge mistake that almost vaporized the woods._

"No one but me," I smirked.

"Please don't tell anyone though," Leo begged.

"Fine," I sighed.

_Still, Leo couldn't stop trembling. He'd almost ruined everything. To calm himself down, he pulled out the Lemon Pledge and carefully polished Buford. Then he took the spare syncopator and locked it in a supply cabinet that did **not **have legs. Just in case. Buford could be temperamental._

_An hour later, Chiron and Argus arrived from the Big House to take care of the Maenads._

_Argus, head of security, was a big blonde dude with hundreds of eyes all over his body. He seemed embarrassed to find that a dozen dangerous Maenads had infiltrated his territory unnoticed. Argus never spoke, but he blushed brightly and all the eyes on his body stared at the floor._

_Chiron, the camp director, looked more annoyed than concerned. He stared down at the Maenads - which he could do, being a centaur. From the waist down, he was white stallion. From the waist up, he was a middle-aged guy with curly brown hair, a beard, and a bow and quiver strapped to his back._

_"Oh, them again," Chiron said. "Hello, Babette."_

_"We will destroy you!" Babette shrieked. "We will dance with you, feed you yummy appetizers, party with you until the wee hours, and rip you to pieces!"_

"How's that threatening?" I asked.

"Well... The last part is," Leo said. "And the first part."

_"Uh-huh." Chiron looked unimpressed. He turned to Leo and his friends. "Well done, you three. The last time these girls came looking for Dionysus, they caused quite a nuisance. You caught them before they could get out of hand. Dionysus will be pleased they've been captured."_

_"So they **do **annoy him?" Leo asked._

_"Absolutely," Chiron said. "Mr. D despises his fan club almost as much as he despises demigods."_

"Big comparison," I stated. "He hates us."

They looked at me like I was crazy. Not that they'd know anything...

_"We are not a fan club!" Babette wailed. "We are his followers, his chosen, his special ones!"_

"Sounds like a fan club to me," Piper said.

_"Uh-huh," Chiron said again._

_"So..." Piper shifted uneasily. "Dionysus wouldn't have minded if we had to destroy them?"_

_"Oh, no, he would mind!" Chiron said. "They're still his followers, even if he hates them. If you hurt them, Dionysus would be forced to drive you insane or kill you. Probably both. So well done."_

Leo shook his head confused. "I still don't get that. He hates them, but if anyone destroys them, he still drives them insane." He scratched his head. "Anyone get that?"

Jason and Piper shook their heads.

"I think I do," I said. "He hates them, but they're still his followers. They are loyal to him. Basically-"

"Okay," Leo interrupted. "You can stop now."

I glared at him but let Jason continue reading.

_Ha looked at Argus. "Same plan as last time?"_

_Argus nodded. He gestured to one of the Hephaestus campers, who drove a forklift over and loaded up the cage._

_"What will you do with them?" Jason asked._

_Chiron smiled kindly. "We'll send them to a place where they will feel at home. We'll load them on a bus to Atlantic City._ **(AN I just noticed, isn't this the place(MoA Spoiler alert!) where Percy, Frank, and Coach Hedge met Phorcys?)**

_"Ouch," Leo said. "Doesn't that place have enough problems?"_

_"Not to worry," Chiron promised. "The Maenads will get the partying out of their systems very quickly. They'll wear themselves out and fade away until next year. They always seem to show up around the holidays. Quite annoying."_

"That's probably because it's the time when the most people are celebrating," I remarked. "There's so much partying that they get rejuvenated."

Leo just stared blankly while Jason and Piper nodded in agreement. "Wait... What?" Leo asked confused.

"Never mind."

_The Maenads were carted off. Chiron and Argus headed back to the Big House, and Leo's campers helped him lock up Bunker 9 for the night._

_Usually Leo worked himself into the wee hours, but he decided he'd done enough for one day. It was Christmas Eve, after all. He'd earned a break._

_Camp Half-Blood didn't usually celebrate mortal holidays, but everyone was in a good mood at the campfire. Some kids were drinking eggnog. Leo, Jason, and Piper passed on that and went for hot chocolate instead._

_They listened to sing-along songs and watched sparks from the fire curl up toward the stars._

They all sighed at the memory. "It feels so sad to think about how long ago that was," Piper said. "Soon we'll be sailing off on our quest."

Jason, Leo, and I all I'll finally see Seaweed Brain again... (AN Hands up if you loved their reunion! **Hand goes up** I totally did.)

_"You saved my hide again, guys," Leo told his friends. "Thank you."_

_Jason smiled. "Anything for you, Valdez. You sure the **Argo II **will be safe now?"_

_"Safe? No. But she's not in danger of exploding. Probably."_

_Piper laughed. "Great. I feel much better."_

_They sat quietly, enjoying each other's company, but Leo knew this was just a brief moment of peace. The **Argo II **had to be finished by the summer solstice. Then they would sail off on their great adventure - first to find Jason's old home, the Roman camp. After that...the giants were waiting. Gaea te earth mother, the most powerful enemy of the gods, was marshaling her forces to destroy Olympus. To stop her, Leo and his friends would have to sail to Greece, the ancient homeland of the gods. At any point along the way, Leo knew he might die.  
_

_For now though, he decided to enjoy himself. When your life is on a timer to an inevitable explosion, that's about all you can do._

They all sat, thinking about his thoughts.

_He raised his goblet of hot chocolate. "To friends."_

_"Friends," Piper and Jason agreed._

_Leo stayed at the campfire until the song leader from Apollo cabin suggested they do the Hokey Pokey. Then Leo decided to call it a night._

Jason stopped reading and closed the book. "That's all there is."

"Dang it!" Leo cursed. Sort of. (AN I don't cuss or curse)

"Let's go back now, it's almost curfew," I suggested.

"Yeah," they all agreed.

We all left.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Later that night. (Third person)**

Chiron walked into the room he saw the four in. Then he saw the book. **The Demigod Diaries by Rick Riordan**.

"Amazing," he muttered.

He then took the book and started reading it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**The next day. (Third person)**

Not many people see Chiron's office. If you did that day, you would see a bookshelf.

That bookshelf had many items.

Some photos.

Some records.

The original Odyssey.

The Iliad.

And right on the top shelf was a strange book.

This book is called **The Demigod Diaries**.

**I know I've kept many people waiting on this story. If you've read the previous chapter I put on you'll see that I'm now ending this fanfic. So sorry. I'm too busy to keep up and I'm naturally a procrastinator. I apologize for this. This story s now complete.**

**-Bookworm-olympian**


End file.
